Ways parents help take struggle out of homework
NIKKI was frustrated. Her daughter Kirsten, 13, had just finished her required summer reading. She needed to write a summary, and Nikki urged her to do it while the details were still fresh.
“It’s June, Mum,” Kirsten said. “I can get to it later.”
I reassured Nikki that it was too early to worry about her daughter’s work ethic.
“A 13-year-old brain is thinking, ‘I don’t have to do it now, so why should I?’ “said Peg Dawson, a psychologist and the author of “Smart But Scattered.”
Kids procrastinate or shut down because they fail to see the relevance of a task, prefer other distractions, or struggle with comprehension, organisation or motivation. And nagging isn’t going to work.
“Homework is about control,” said Rick Wormeli, an education consultant and author of “Fair Isn’t Always Equal.”
“Kids want a voice, and many would rather have the reputation of being forgetful or irresponsible than admit they don’t know what they’re doing,” he said.
With a little creativity, parents can help kids overcome those barriers to productivity. Here are 10 ways to encourage kids to approach homework with more confidence and less conflict.
• Establish routines and discourage bad habits.
“The perfect intervention is something that only takes five minutes a day, but you’re willing to do it every day,” Dawson said. “With my kid, I’d say: ‘You have 10 algebra questions. How long do you think it will take?’ ”
Set the tone with an uncluttered, well-equipped study space, and create a consistent schedule that includes breaks. One child might need to do his hom ework in the kitchen with a parent nearby, while another works best independently in her bedroom.
Some kids reliably follow a planner, while others need checklists.
Prevent bad habits by intervening when kids toggle between texting and studying, sacrifice sleep for gaming, or start work at midnight.
• Tame and name negative voices.
Train kids to notice defeatist thoughts. When a voice whispers, “You’re not good at maths,” they can give it a name, such as Mike. Ask them to choose a different name for a voice that affirms they are good at something. Then say: “It’s not you. Mike is causing you problems.” Follow up with questions: “What does Mike need to feel more confident? What would the positive voice tell Mike to do?”
When there is distance from a problem, kids have an easier time coming up with solutions, said Ana Jovanovic, a psychologist and coach at the online tutoring service Nobel Coaching in Potomac, Maryland. It also helps them understand that their perceived weakness is only one part of their persona.
She has kids name their planners to make them harder to reject. They buy into it, saying: “What do I have to do today? I should ask Jake,” she said.
• Dress for success.
Have your kids choose special learning attire, such as a thinking hat or a pair of glasses, that they wear only while studying. Researchers at Northwestern University found that even adults are influenced by their clothing. When subjects in white lab coats were told they were wearing doctors’ coats, they were more focused than those who were told they were wearing painters’ coats. Similarly, in a study published in the journal Child Development, researchers found that young children persevered longer when they pretended to be a superhero.
• Let school be the bad guy.
If negotiating homework becomes toxic, it is time to contact the child’s teacher or school counsellor. Jennifer Goodstein, a sixth-grade teacher and executive-functioning coach in Bethesda, Maryland, said she tells parents to stop and email her when their child melts down. “We can be the bad guys and say, ‘OK, Brendan, you were fighting with your mother, so you’re going to do the work here,’ “she said. She creates a schedule for the child to get help at school.
When Goodstein’s 11-year-old son is frustrated, she will quiz him or help him understand directions.
But if he does not understand a concept, she asks his teacher to provide more examples. She also lets the teacher worry about quality. “If he writes two sentences when I think he should write five, and he said that’s all the teacher wants, that’s her job to pull that from him.” • Offer options, but inspect what you expect.
Allow kids to choose when they work or how they would like to approach a teacher, but follow up, said Kim Campbell, an eighthgrade global studies teacher and consultant for the Association for Middle Level Educators in Minnetonka, Minnesota. If kids promise to connect with a teacher on their own, they need to know what will happen if they do not follow through.
Homework is about control... Fair Isn’t Always Equal. Kids want a voice, and many would rather have the reputation of being forgetful or irresponsible than admit they don’t know what they’re doing. Rick Wormeli, an education consultant