Holding door for others a matter of courtesy
NEXT time you are in front of a building with a steady crowd going in and out, sit back and watch for a few minutes. Some people rush along through the door. Others hold the door for the people behind them.
The scene is the manifestation that despite globalization, the Western world and the Eastern world are still divided by numerous cultural differences.
These long-time practices often lead to a small, and sometimes pleasant, culture shock for many Asians in the western countries for the first time.
It is noted that in many Asian countries, people do not feel the necessity to hold doors for the people who are coming after them.
This is because it's assumed that most would prefer to walk at their own speed rather than walking fast to reach the door being opened for them.
Also, Asians simply do not regard holding doors as an important part of being polite. Conversely it is considered rude not to holding doors for the next person in the western countries.
Think for a moment, what makes you decide to hold the door for the people behind you? Is it a personality trait or your conscience that prone you to hold the door for the people behind you?
Or is it the social component that you are socialized to hold the door for women only or that young people should hold doors for older people?
Maybe that social component isn't so altruistic. Maybe men hold doors open for women hoping to be more attractive to them. It is also possible that it is just a habit.
Normally if you get to the door first before anyone, holding the door open for someone is completely fine because a gentleman should always hold the door open for someone who is more physically burdened than him.
It is an act of common courtesy that you can show to any person whether they be man or woman.
There are two ways to mess up etiquette as far as the Ins and Outs of Opening a Door is. One is to ignore it altogether.
The other is to over-think it and overdo it, and thus make it weird and awkward. The important thing to remember is simply to be natural and to use common sense.
Opening doors for your guests require their cooperation. If you get to the door before them, opening the door is simple. Just open the door and hold it for them.
Things get awkward when you and your guests arrive at the door at the same time or they get there before you. In these types of situations, opening doors becomes much like a dance. Each one of you has a role that need to fill for the operation to successfully work.
If your guests arrive at the door before you or at the same time as you, they should step slightly to one side so that you can open the door without knocking them on. If they open the door for themselves, that's not a problem.
If they start opening the door for themselves, just pull it further open. If they arrive at the door first and starts opening it on their own, all you need to do is to help pull the door open further.
Don't brush their hand off the door knob or door handle and don't offer any sanctimonious “I insist” or “allow me” entreaties. Basically, don't make a big deal about it.
With double doors, open the first, but not the second. When there is a door, and then an entryway airlock area, and then another door, open the outside door, allow them to step inside the airlock, and then for the second door, do as indicated above and simply help the them open
the door as they go through. They may wait inside the airlock for you to open the second door entirely.
Don't knock them over to get to the door first. Some of us, eager to show off our gallantry, will rush to the door to ensure they arrive before their guests do. Don't do that. It just looks desperate and can make the situation awkward.
The key to a successful door opening (and good manners in general) is to make it look effortless.
If your visitors don't want the door opened for them, respect that. Some people will tell you straight up that they don't like doors opened for them. Fair enough. Don't expect consistency.
Your visitors might open several doors by themselves in an evening, but then out of the blue they will step aside indicating that they want you to open the door for them. So, watch for that and read their body language.
If the door swings in, go through the door first and hold it for them.
Doors that open inwards can prove tricky for any gentleman. The best way to go about them is to go through the door before your guests do, in order to hold the door open for them. If they arrive at the door first and begins pushing the door open, stand on the side where the door hinges are and simply extend your arm over her head to take the door's weight from her as she passes through. Try to avoid the situation where you are standing in the doorway holding the door open with your back. You don't want your guests tripping over your feet or having to squeeze themselves between you and the doorframe.
Also avoid the position where you are standing at the door sill, on the side opposite the door's hinges, holding the door open with your hand. This will force your guests to duck under your arm as they go through the door.
Your duty is to your guests, not the public at large. As per my experience, I have on some silly occasion opened a door for my guests and then stood there holding the door for a gaggle of complete strangers.
Consequently, my guests were left standing in the lobby, waiting for me. The right way should be after your guests has walked through the door, follow them through.
It is understandable that you want to be courteous to everyone, but your priority should be your valued visitors.