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Board Daughter Australia,

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Lord Who says you have to douse the fire after 50? Sex is ageless and there are ways to be intimate.

THE need for intimacy is ageless, and sex matters. It’s depressing to learn that low sexual drive, little desire to initiate sex, pain during intercourse, slower response to stimulation and “dryness” are all part and parcel of menopause and ageing.

Sigh! What was once hot and humid is now …. hmm, the less said, the better. And to think there was a time when I thought it was bad enough having to battle with insecurity issues due to changing body image.

We live in a culture that worships youth and beauty. So, as we age, we feel less sexually attractive and this interferes with our sexual longings.

Do you guys know how hard it is to feel sexy or feign sexiness when those body bits that matter are heading south? (Hint: It’s more appealing to be on top of the situation as “they” hang down fully instead of flopping over the sides like two deflated balloons.)

And yes, boyfriend, I’m aware of your flagging problem, but that is your story.

It’s even sadder when older women (especially in our Asian culture) are brain-washed into believing that this is their lot in life: just throw in your sexy negligee when the numbers add up and quietly embrace a life of celibacy.

Why it is so difficult for society to accept that older adults, too, have sexual urges?

I was well past my prime when I got acquainted with that. Nothing mind-blowing or earth-moving, but the powerful emotional experience and the calming post-coital bliss is rather addictive.

Coupled with a willing and considerate older partner, I had more fun than the Duracell bunny as we clumsily contorted and positioned our less than co-operative bodies for maximum fit. Many a time, we collapsed in laughter over our hilarious and usually disastrous attempts a la Kama Sutra.

Sex can actually benefit seniors; it increases blood circulation, reduces anxiety and releases endorphins which help us to relax and sleep easy. See, a very healthy pursuit indeed!

So ladies, please don’t give up yet. Intimacy is vital to our wellbeing and sex is one of the ways through which we show our love. And the ability to do this doesn’t stop with age. In truth, we can carry on having sex until we kick the bucket, health permitting.

Sex is not just about intercourse. It is also about emotional and sensory pleasures such as touching, kissing and other intimate sexual contact, which can be just as rewarding and fulfilling.

I read somewhere that arousal and orgasm are like any other response mechanism in the body, and can get better and stronger when stimulated frequently. (Note: a certain vibrating thingamajig could come in handy.)

Do take good care of your health by eating wisely, watch your weight and get plenty of exercise for strength and stamina.

Communication is essential, so talk with your partner and work together to overcome any physical and sexual discomforts.

And to get things moving smoothly again, there are plenty of water-based lubricants in the market, e.g. K-Y jelly. You could also opt for cheaper alternatives like body lotion or moisturiser, which some claim to be much more fun as they can be used all over.

Be creative. Finally, having an understanding and loving partner goes a long way in enjoying a gratifying sex life in our twilight years. n Old is gold, and bold. So, let us hear what you have to say, about whatever excites you, makes you happy, sad or concerned. E-mail your views to star2@thestar.com. my. Published contributions will be paid, so please include your full name, IC number, address and telephone number.