Let it burn

The Star Malaysia - Star2 - - SENIOR - By LADY ROOSTER

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Lord Who says you have to douse the fire af­ter 50? Sex is age­less and there are ways to be in­ti­mate.

THE need for in­ti­macy is age­less, and sex mat­ters. It’s de­press­ing to learn that low sex­ual drive, lit­tle de­sire to ini­ti­ate sex, pain dur­ing in­ter­course, slower re­sponse to stim­u­la­tion and “dry­ness” are all part and par­cel of menopause and age­ing.

Sigh! What was once hot and hu­mid is now …. hmm, the less said, the bet­ter. And to think there was a time when I thought it was bad enough hav­ing to bat­tle with in­se­cu­rity is­sues due to chang­ing body im­age.

We live in a cul­ture that wor­ships youth and beauty. So, as we age, we feel less sex­u­ally at­trac­tive and this in­ter­feres with our sex­ual long­ings.

Do you guys know how hard it is to feel sexy or feign sex­i­ness when those body bits that mat­ter are head­ing south? (Hint: It’s more ap­peal­ing to be on top of the sit­u­a­tion as “they” hang down fully in­stead of flop­ping over the sides like two de­flated bal­loons.)

And yes, boyfriend, I’m aware of your flag­ging prob­lem, but that is your story.

It’s even sad­der when older women (es­pe­cially in our Asian cul­ture) are brain-washed into be­liev­ing that this is their lot in life: just throw in your sexy neg­ligee when the num­bers add up and qui­etly em­brace a life of celibacy.

Why it is so dif­fi­cult for so­ci­ety to ac­cept that older adults, too, have sex­ual urges?

I was well past my prime when I got ac­quainted with that. Noth­ing mind-blow­ing or earth-mov­ing, but the pow­er­ful emo­tional ex­pe­ri­ence and the calm­ing post-coital bliss is rather ad­dic­tive.

Cou­pled with a will­ing and con­sid­er­ate older part­ner, I had more fun than the Du­ra­cell bunny as we clum­sily con­torted and po­si­tioned our less than co-op­er­a­tive bod­ies for max­i­mum fit. Many a time, we col­lapsed in laugh­ter over our hi­lar­i­ous and usu­ally dis­as­trous at­tempts a la Kama Su­tra.

Sex can ac­tu­ally ben­e­fit se­niors; it in­creases blood cir­cu­la­tion, re­duces anx­i­ety and re­leases en­dor­phins which help us to re­lax and sleep easy. See, a very healthy pur­suit in­deed!

So ladies, please don’t give up yet. In­ti­macy is vi­tal to our well­be­ing and sex is one of the ways through which we show our love. And the abil­ity to do this doesn’t stop with age. In truth, we can carry on hav­ing sex un­til we kick the bucket, health per­mit­ting.

Sex is not just about in­ter­course. It is also about emo­tional and sen­sory plea­sures such as touch­ing, kiss­ing and other in­ti­mate sex­ual con­tact, which can be just as re­ward­ing and ful­fill­ing.

I read some­where that arousal and or­gasm are like any other re­sponse mech­a­nism in the body, and can get bet­ter and stronger when stim­u­lated fre­quently. (Note: a cer­tain vi­brat­ing thinga­ma­jig could come in handy.)

Do take good care of your health by eat­ing wisely, watch your weight and get plenty of ex­er­cise for strength and stamina.

Com­mu­ni­ca­tion is es­sen­tial, so talk with your part­ner and work to­gether to over­come any phys­i­cal and sex­ual dis­com­forts.

And to get things mov­ing smoothly again, there are plenty of water-based lubri­cants in the mar­ket, e.g. K-Y jelly. You could also opt for cheaper al­ter­na­tives like body lo­tion or mois­turiser, which some claim to be much more fun as they can be used all over.

Be creative. Fi­nally, hav­ing an un­der­stand­ing and lov­ing part­ner goes a long way in en­joy­ing a grat­i­fy­ing sex life in our twi­light years. n Old is gold, and bold. So, let us hear what you have to say, about what­ever ex­cites you, makes you happy, sad or con­cerned. E-mail your views to star2@thes­tar.com. my. Pub­lished con­tri­bu­tions will be paid, so please in­clude your full name, IC num­ber, ad­dress and tele­phone num­ber.

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