Leap year’s reversed wedding proposals
Pop the question now, ladies, before he humiliates you with his proposal.
THIS is a leap year, and as leap year tradition has it, on Feb 29 today, women can propose to men. Any ladies out there who think they have found The One should seize this opportunity. Humiliating to ask a man? Are you joking? These days it is far more humiliating to wait for him to ask you.
As the trend is for men to make grand gestures when proposing, leaving it to your bloke means risking public shame.
Naff question-poppings are on the rise. Using the big screen at a sports stadium is popular with the American male, while British men spare even fewer blushes. Last Christmas, I looked on as an unsuspecting woman at the pantomime suddenly found herself in the spotlight with her boyfriend on one knee and, up on stage, Widow Twankey (a female character in the pantomime Aladdin) waving a ring.
The higher up the celebrity scale you go, the more outrageous it gets. Take Holly Branson, daughter of Virgin Group chairman Sir Richard. Her husband Freddie popped the question in a very private moment by using an enormous bespoke firework to spell out his message.
Australian actress Holly Valance endured a similar proposal in letters of fire, courtesy of her property tycoon boyfriend Nick Candy. As the words “Will You Marry Me” raged away against the Maldives night sky, the joint developer of London’s controversial Number One Hyde Park apartment block dropped to one knee before the former Strictly Come Dancing contestant. Romance-wise, it’s got it all, really.
There are many reasons for this. Neo-conservatism. After a brief flash of liberalism, the patriarchy is back. Everyone’s in their own movie these days. Perhaps just good old exhibitionism. Personally, I blame Prince William. Going to an inaccessible Kenyan lodge with a world-famous sapphire in his rucksack to propose to a woman who would have said yes in a chip shop fuelled the whole toe-curling trend. What happened to restraint? The walk in the wood, the discreet dinner? You, him and the sunset?
Ladies, you may think that asking the question yourself is a big step, and in some ways you’d be right. Leap year or no leap year, the weight of historic expectation is against women proposing.
Cultural convention dictates otherwise. Literature is full of dire warnings about what happens when girls make the first move, one of the worst being Alexander Pushkin’s
Eugene Onegin. Country teen Tatyana falls in love with city slicker Eugene and breathlessly writes to him accordingly. He repels her advances in the most patronising terms, causing heartbreak.
In Twelfth Night, Malvolio loses his head because he (wrongly) believes that Olivia has sent him a love letter.
And in Far From The Madding Crowd, Bathsheba gets herself in trouble by sending a playful proposal to William Boldwood. The message is clear (to audience and readers, anyway).
On the other hand, proposing is not difficult for a girl to do. I did it, and didn’t even feel I had to wait for a leap year. We’d been together for eight years before I thought that marriage might be nice. I proposed to my boyfriend in a gloriously romantic setting – behind the fridge door in our rented flat. Thankfully, he accepted. Easy, and no explosions, pyromania or private planes necessary.
A word of warning, however. As the system is not designed for women to pop the question, there are some tiny downsides to think about. You don’t get an engagement ring – unless you buy it yourself. Also, the fact that I had proposed meant that my boyfriend didn’t ask my father for my hand in marriage. This caused J.B. Priestley-style chaos among my family of Yorkshire Methodists, which they are still getting over, even though the incident occurred 18 years ago.
But by proposing as a woman you avoid embarrassment. Real embarrassment. He may turn you down, yes, but at least you won’t have to endure the public humiliation of whatever stunt he might pull to propose to you.
And, anyway, the chances are you will be accepted. After all, a woman with the guts to ask a man to marry her very likely has the guts to do a lot else besides.
Among the women who’ve questionpopped are some serious big hitters, including Queen Victoria (yes, really) and the Queen of Radio 4, the broadcaster Jenni Murray. Who wouldn’t want to be in their gang? – The Daily Telegraph UK