What parents can learn

ON the surface it looks like a tiff between dad and daughter but really, the Tommy Jordan case is about a breakdown in communication.

His video has become a topic of conversation all over the world, with some parents agreeing with his action and others saying it’s a bit extreme.

You may think this is just a reality TVinspired situation about another “crazy” American family, but think again. A breakdown in communication between parent and child can happen in any family. You may not resort to shooting the computer, but you may very well take it away from your child and publicly embarrass him or her.

This week, Parent hots gets the opinions of three experts to find out their response to the video, how a parent and child can move on from this point, and what to do to avoid a breakdown in communication and a meltdown in the relationship.

Developmental psychologist and lecturer with Sunway University Elaine Yong believes that there isn’t a proper channel for the members in this family to discuss and voice each other’s opinions. Due to this lack of open communication, the child vented her frustration on Facebook to obtain sympathy from her friends. And the father, in turn, vented his response by uploading such a video to “teach the daughter a lesson” via the same channel.

Professional trainer and co-author of The Groovy Guide To Parenting Gen Y And Z Jamilah Samian believes that communication must have broken down years ago for this father and daughter.

She is taken aback by what the daughter did (announcing her frustrations in a disrespectful manner on Facebook – a public forum) as well as the father’s reaction to it.

Both Yong and Jamilah agree that the father should have been more mature in dealing with the issue.

Trainer, family life educator and Star2 columnist Charis Patrick says that while the dad’s anger and frustration is understandable, that doesn’t mean what he did was right.

“If we listen carefully, the trigger seems to be about some basic responsibility around household chores. However, my guess is it’s not so much about the chores. The girl probably does not fully understand why she has to do it, why she has to be the one, and she also does not feel appreciated even when she gets the chores done. She may feel that her parents are merely task-oriented and over time she has decided that her parents do not care or love her but just want her to get all things done according to their way. Her feelings may be valid but what she feels and experiences may be far from the truth,” Patrick points out.

Parenthots shares some tips on what to do if there is a breakdown in communication between you and your child, as well as how not to get to this point in your relationship.

Focus on the Family

What can you do about a toddler who goes on a hitting spree?

Find out first if there is some sort of medical reason for your child to throw these tantrums. If it’s not some sort of chemical imbalance, then you will need to teach your child to express his or her emotions in other ways. Setting boundaries will also help.

Parenthots shares more advice on tantrums.

Parents write in

This week, one mother writes about shopping for her baby and that it needn’t be a costly affair.

If you have a parenting story to share, send it to parenthots@thestar.com.my. The best story each month wins a RM200 voucher from Giant hypermarket.

Find parenting solutions

Are you struggling with your teenager or adolescent and you want to discuss topics like:

> Your child’s very public rants on Facebook and Twitter. > Sense of entitlement. > Lack of respect. > Need for instant gratification. > Kids who have their faces buried in their gadgets and seem to lack social skills.

> Their use of profanity when communicating with friends.

If so, join us at Parenthots’ Parenting Gen Y And Z Forum on March 10, 10am-1pm, at Menara Star, 15, Jalan 16/11, Petaling Jaya, Selangor.

The fee is RM10 per person. There are 100 goodie bags to be given away to the first 100 who register and attend. To register, e-mail parenthots@thestar.com.my. For more information, go to parenthots.com/genyandz forum.