Handling quarrels well

THERE may be relationships that are friction- free, but most likely you will not find one outside of a romance novel.

Given that nearly every couple squabbles, here are some tips for having a positive fight.

Do not interrupt each other

When your partner is complaining about your horrible points, let him have his say.

If you stop him halfway through to remind him that this was not exactly what happened, you are sending a message that you do not really care about his opinion. So, let it rip and listen till the bitter end.

This can be difficult, so you may want to take deep breaths when this happens. Just keep calm and remember that it will not last long.

Once you have yelled, get to the point

Shouting is about letting off steam, but it is just the start of a good fight.

The next step is to go over the main points – calmly this time and without emotion.

The aim here is to understand what happened, what emotions were involved and how you can do better next time.

In a 2010 study of 373 married couples, the people who did this were more likely to stay married than those who ignored this vital step.

If you find that you cannot do this immediately, try doing it as soon as you are both calm.

Forgive whatever was said during the yelling stage

We all say some horrible things sometimes but often, it is just a matter of saying the most hurtful thing we could think of because we were in a hurting mood.

Some people do not even remember what they say when they are angry. Clearly, it is better if you can avoid this and for most people, this becomes easier with age.

However, when one of you has boiled over, you need to work on forgiving each other instead.