Han­dling quar­rels well

The Star Malaysia - Star2 - - BODY, MIND & SOUL -

THERE may be re­la­tion­ships that are fric­tion- free, but most likely you will not find one out­side of a ro­mance novel.

Given that nearly ev­ery cou­ple squab­bles, here are some tips for hav­ing a pos­i­tive fight.

Do not in­ter­rupt each other

When your part­ner is com­plain­ing about your hor­ri­ble points, let him have his say.

If you stop him half­way through to re­mind him that this was not ex­actly what hap­pened, you are send­ing a mes­sage that you do not re­ally care about his opin­ion. So, let it rip and lis­ten till the bit­ter end.

This can be dif­fi­cult, so you may want to take deep breaths when this hap­pens. Just keep calm and re­mem­ber that it will not last long.

Once you have yelled, get to the point

Shout­ing is about let­ting off steam, but it is just the start of a good fight.

The next step is to go over the main points – calmly this time and without emo­tion.

The aim here is to un­der­stand what hap­pened, what emo­tions were in­volved and how you can do bet­ter next time.

In a 2010 study of 373 mar­ried cou­ples, the peo­ple who did this were more likely to stay mar­ried than those who ig­nored this vi­tal step.

If you find that you can­not do this im­me­di­ately, try do­ing it as soon as you are both calm.

For­give what­ever was said dur­ing the yelling stage

We all say some hor­ri­ble things some­times but of­ten, it is just a mat­ter of say­ing the most hurt­ful thing we could think of be­cause we were in a hurt­ing mood.

Some peo­ple do not even re­mem­ber what they say when they are an­gry. Clearly, it is bet­ter if you can avoid this and for most peo­ple, this be­comes eas­ier with age.

How­ever, when one of you has boiled over, you need to work on for­giv­ing each other in­stead.

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