It got too much
Caring for two ailing elderly family members was overwhelming.
IN a visiting room at the Tokyo Detention House in the Kosuge district of Tokyo on Oct 21 last year, a small woman, 68, wearing a pink dressing gown, was seated opposite a reporter.
She began to recount the details leading up to the incident that led to her being there. The decision from her lay judge trial was due to be handed down by the Tokyo District Court three days later.
In February last year, she set fire to the bedroom of her house in the Tokyo metropolitan area, aiming to kill her then husband, 69, and herself.
Accusing her of arson of an inhabited structure and attempted murder, the prosecution demanded a prison term of five years.
“I am truly sorry for the incident. But if my husband had said just one thoughtful word ...”
What drove the woman into a corner was a double burden of caregiving, borne for years.
When the woman married at 50, she was prepared to care for her mother-in-law, who lived with her and her husband.
Suffering dementia, her mother-in-law wandered off several times a day, saying, “I haven’t been for a walk today.”
Three years later, her husband suffered a stroke and gradually became unable to move his right leg. Her mother-in-law also became bedridden.
The woman got up at 6am and first helped each of them to use the bathroom. She supported her 85kg husband as they went downstairs, although she weighed only 44kg, and served breakfast.
After working her part-time job between 2pm and 4pm, she prepared dinner, and then bathed them.
She wouldn’t be able to get to sleep until about 1am. Such were her days.
The woman found herself nodding off while doing the housework, and even woke one morning to find herself on the kitchen floor.
Her mother-in-law, despite suffering dementia, sometimes said things like “Thank you,” and “Please look after me again tomorrow.” These words were a mental support for her.
“She cared for her very well, so that she did not catch a cold or lose weight,” said a man who served as the mother-in-law’s care manager.
A housewife in the neighbourhood said she couldn’t forget how deftly the woman assisted an elderly neighbour who had become unable to move while in the bathroom.
However, her husband came down harshly on her over details, saying things like, “This tea is lukewarm.”
The woman became less and less able to sleep, relying on tranquilisers and sleeping pills.
The only time she was at peace was when reading the Heart Sutra in interludes between caregiving duties.
She cited three triggers that occurred between herself and her husband on the night of the incident: Her husband’s angry remark that some deep-fried oysters she served for dinner “tasted bad.” His complaint that the way she washed his hair in the bathroom was bad, which he hit her for.
And the fact that when she went to the bedroom after finishing the housework in the early hours of the morning, it was pitch black. She said her husband, who went to sleep first, usually left the light on for her.
She felt as though her existence had been denied. “Why not wreck everything?” she thought.
She pulled a tank out of the closet and poured kerosene around her husband’s futon. Placing a lighted candle nearby, she crawled into the futon next to his.
The walls and ceiling burned. Firefighters extinguished the blaze, and the woman and her mother-in-law were unharmed.
However, her husband sustained burns that required about five months to heal. The woman was arrested, and they divorced at the husband’s request.
Ruined lives
“Please do not leave the work of caregiving to a single person. Please do not create any more people like me.”
In the face of questioning at the district court on Oct 14, the woman started to cry in front of the lay judges.
The atmosphere in the courtroom was frosty. The crime of arson, which puts many lives at risk, usually carries a heavy sentence. At the end of questioning, the presiding judge pressed her. “Do you understand how grave this is?”
Then on Oct 24, the ruling came: “Three years of imprisonment, suspended for five years.”
The presiding judge gave reasons for the ruling, saying, “It cannot be said that this is a case in which a suspended term should be given immediately.”
On the other hand, the sentiments of her former husband were mentioned as circumstances in favour of the woman’s defense.
This was because when the district court took his deposition at the hospital, although some of his statements concerning the night of the incident contradicted those of the woman’s, he said, “I would like you to set her free.”
A man in his 50s, who was a lay judge at the trial, said, “He reflected on his actions, saying he was wrong in his conduct toward his wife.”
Two days after the court’s ruling, the woman, who had left the detention centre, headed to the hospital.
When she apologised to her former husband, he also apologised to her, saying, “I’m sorry that I ruined your life.” The woman felt a little comforted.
She has begun living alone in an apartment in the Tokai region. She is thinking about working in nursing care because, looking back on her life, she has come to think that she does not want to leave people who are struggling to cope alone. – The Japan News/Asia News Network