Exemplary mother and her girls
A WOMAN who had dedicated her entire life for her children, finally gave up the battle she had with her health, on Feb 20.
Her doctor broke down when he knew nothing else he did could save the life of my mother, Madam Sital Kaur.
Looking at him break down, brought tears to my eyes.
My mother was a woman who never forgot to say “thank you” for the littlest thing done for her.
At about 5.15am on Feb 19, we were told by the doctors that we were definitely losing mum. We decided to bring mum home from hospital as she always wished to take her last breath at home.
Two of her daughters were in the ambulance with her, while another two rushed home to prepare her bed. She was still breathing and conscious but could not speak. How I wished then that I could hear my mother’s voice again!
The next morning, my mother started becoming weaker by the second, and we were alarmed when her nurse said that we should get all the family members together. Called her two sons to rush back home, but they were too late!
Mum passed away in the arms of her four daughters that morning. It was the most painful moment – but she was in peace. In peace in the gardens filled with beautiful flowers and finally reunited with Dad in heaven.
Mum originated from Chola Sahib, a village in Punjab, India. Born in June 1933, my mother migrated to Malaysia in 1952, after marrying my father, also in Punjab. Mum could not speak a word of English or Bahasa Malaysia, yet, after a few years of living in Malaysia, she could cook some Malay dishes. Mum could make dodol, rendang, and even weave ketupat. Her pulut wajik was one of the best!
Fondly known as Bibi by her neighbours in the Perak River Hydro quarters in Batu Gajah, where we lived in the 1960s and early 1970s, mum always made sure she kept the house superbly clean. And she trained all her four daughters to work hard, and made sure we took good care of our homes and families.
My parents had always managed on their own though they had six children. In their old age, they had maids who cooked for them and cleaned their house. Having daughters who were all residing out of town, they had to do things on their own, and mum used to wait for her daughter from Kuala Lumpur to take her for her hospital appointments.
Dad passed away in 2014 and mum continued to live alone, with her maid Timah. A strong woman mum was, indeed! Her love for her potted plants and her beautiful home, made her want to be nowhere else but in the house that Dad built for her in 1976.
Mum was a foodie. She loved durians and kuih kapit very much. Chicken rice used to be one of her favourites. In the last few years of her life, nothing made her happier than having idli for breakfast. Every night, for supper, mum would yearn for kuih lapis from a particular stall in Batu Gajah town. The moment the seller saw any of her daughters approaching the stall, he would smile and ask, “Kuih lapis for mother?”
Mum never went to school yet made sure all her six children received good education; there are PhD scholars among them. Learning from our mum, we (her children) have also pushed our own children to study hard. Among mum’s 12 grandchildren are doctors, engineers, and a dentist – based in both Malaysia and Australia. A proud grandmother she was, of her successful and good-looking grandchildren!
She also made sure we went for religious classes, to learn to read and write in Punjabi, from a lady we fondly call Bibi Ji who is now 82 years old and lives in Johor Baru.
In the early days, mum and dad struggled to put food on the table. We were poor. But my mother worked hard alongside my father, to make sure we had everything we needed. There were nights when there was nothing left after she had fed us, and she would only have leftover rice and plain curry for dinner.
Dad was always very strict but mum did everything to support her children, even if her children were wrong at times! She would do anything to please her children, especially her sons. Even to the extent of telling my dad a lie, just so that he would not punish her sons.
Ever since mum passed away, I have felt a deep emptiness within me. And a lot of guilt for not having spent enough time with mum. Why did I follow my emotions and be part of so-called “family politics”? If only I was given just one more chance, I would bulldoze my way through all hurdles and be next to my mother. But it’s too late now ...
Mum tried to lavish her love equally on all her six children, but she had to please some more than others.
I thank God for giving me the best of her last few days. We spent some good moments together, laughing and singing. She told me how much she missed me and how very precious I was to her.
She recalled how we both worked together in 2012 to repair her house.
While in hospital, mum told me to take a week’s leave to spend with her once she went home. Little did I know I would be there for more than two weeks to arrange for her funeral and the final prayers for her departed soul.
One of the things that mum and dad always wanted most was to see all their children together. She was happy when I created a siblings e-group! But I failed to bring everyone together for her.
If my mum could hear me now, I’d tell her ...
“Mum, I have shared with all your children, the video of you speaking while in hospital. They now clearly understand why I was begging till Feb 18 for all to come together.
“How I wish for one more day just to hear you say, ‘Termit, come sit down and sing with me my favourite song, Kala Sha Kala!’ Love you, Ma!”
To my sister Charanjit who resides in Melbourne: None of us could match your love for mum, your care and concern for her. The many trips to Melbourne mum had, and all the lovely holidays, were possible because of you. You are left with the best memories of mother!
To my sister Jasbir in Kuala Lumpur: The real care came from you! I remember that day when we walked together into the hospital ward where mother was – how you transformed mother from looking frail and fragile, to being so cheerful and singing Boliyans (Punjabi songs) with me!
These two very special daughters, whom God sent for my mother, have been exemHappy plary, indeed.
A very Mother’s Day to you, and to all mothers out
there!