Trust your parental instincts
THERE is a saying that the only limitations are the ones we put on ourselves. Now, how many of us thought that one day we would be a parent and excel at it?
The days when we were constantly worried of schoolwork and presentations often got carried into our adult life, as we continued to question our capabilities.
When we finally settled down and started having a family of our own, things just remained the same. “Am I capable of doing this?”, we asked ourselves, as we carefully cradled the powdered, tiny baby when the nurse handed it to you on the day everyone left the comfort of hospital and headed home.
We beat ourselves up for not giving our fullest attention to all of the baby’s cries, coos and body language. We always felt that no matter how hard we worked around the clock to clean, feed and put baby to sleep, we were still not doing enough. Did she get enough nap time? Enough milk for her age? What about the older sibling? Was I sending her to suitable classes according to her age and capability? As if doubting ourselves was not enough, we doubted the kid’s ability as well. “If you are so lazy you’ll never learn.” It’s not necessarily laziness, and not all kids learn things at the same rate.
This is exactly why we feel inadequate as parents. Unnecessary worries and self-doubt cloud our minds and hamper our rational thinking. Add the comments of people around us, with their well-meaning nuggets of wisdom, and suddenly we feel we should immediately press a Refresh button and start all over again.
How did our ancestors raise a dozen children and still have the energy to attend to their own needs? And this was way before the existence of washing machines or even gas stoves or the greatest invention of all time for parents: disposable diapers. If parenting was deemed a paper qualification, they would have passed with flying colours.
Truth be told, they were just as clueless, in the beginning, as any modern-day parent. But they persisted and did all they could to handle the tasks – with much determination, love and patience. Today, we still run to our mothers and grandmothers, like our parents did, for true, time-tested solutions to, say, burp the baby correctly. As a bonus, they would pass a cup of homemade tea we used to enjoy as kids, and with a soft pat, reassure us that this, too, shall pass and one day we will miss our kids’ childhood.
“It will be tougher when they grow older,” they said, putting another fear into our minds about finding the best way to drill good values and weeding out the bad ones to turn them into sensible, responsible and Godfearing adults.
But as mentioned earlier, it is only us doubting our capabilities. Whenever constructive criticism is thrown at you, just take it with a pinch of salt. Of course, some are so good that you ask yourself. “How come I didn’t see that?”
A mother’s instincts can’t be wrong. Hardly. Just take each day as it comes, and enjoy it. Never mind if you don’t, because the downs in life will be replaced with the ups before you know it.
As babies, we didn’t quit when we got stuck on our side while trying to roll over. And we certainly didn’t give up walking after hurting our wobbly knees from falling. And now, we are not giving up from the moment we welcomed our very own tiny miracle into the world, standing by them throughout their growing up years (and the occasional heart-piercing words) till the time we can sit back, put our wrinkled feet up and watch them go face the world armed with enough wisdom and responsibility. That would be the greatest aspiration of every parent, knowing that we have done well and survived to tell the tale to our grandchildren.