Three calming questions
WORRY suddenly washes over me sometimes, and I find it hard to explain to other people. I worry about my mum getting sick. I worry that I’m spending too much. I worry that I’ve hurt someone’s feelings or that I’ve done something wrong if a friend doesn’t text me back.
And although anxiety comes in many forms (from incessant worrying to more severe panic attacks), when I experience it personally, I’ve learned that asking myself certain questions can help calm me down.
They’re not a perfect solution, but in times of worry, this inner probing has helped my clients and me a little. And oftentimes, even just a little relief from panic feels good. (Please note: These suggestions are more for those with fleeting worries as opposed to true anxiety disorders. If you’re experiencing the latter, you should speak with a medical professional.)
1. Is this really a threat?
In life, accidents do happen, yes. But most of the time, we worry about things that are very unlikely to go wrong.
What is it that is making you worried? How possible is it really? Truly think about that for a second. Allow the practical nature of your question to help ground you.
Our overactive minds can make common situations seem far worse than they actually are.
2. Have I done all I can to be prepared?
This is where the portion of your life that you can control comes in. If you’re riding a bike, wear a helmet! Check that your fire alarm works. Make sure your insurance is up to date. Go for your annual checkup.
My sister always worries she has left something on and checks all of the electrical outlets in her home before leaving. If that helps, great.
What can you do to feel/be best prepared for what concerns you?
It may sound sombre, but having a will or your paperwork in order, whatever it is that you can control, all ticked off, might make you feel lighter.
There’s a big difference between planning and worrying. Planning makes you feel empowered, calm and clearer. In what area of your life can you replace stressing out with just getting stuff organised?
3. Is my mind just going into overdrive (like in the middle of the night)?
There’s nothing like a restless mind in the middle of the night to make us feel helpless, crazed and desperate.If your panicky thoughts pop up at 2:43am, you have nothing like work, other people or anything else to distract you.
But you can shift your thought loop with deep breaths or by throwing on a YouTube sleep meditation. Remind yourself that dead-of-night worrying is often completely eradicated by the imminent light of day. Most importantly, I’ve come to understand that worrying itself is the thing to fear.
Seth Godin says, “Worry is useful when it changes our behaviour in productive ways. The rest of the time, it’s a negative form of distraction, an entertainment designed to keep us from doing our work and living our lives.”
So next time panicked thoughts arise, ask: Is this really threatening? Have I done all I can to keep myself safe? Could this be a case of mental overdrive, which is going to pass (like it probably normally does)?
If so, breathe into it. Take what’s useful from your fears and act. Control what you can. And remember that worry doesn’t make life any more predictable.
We may think we feel safer when we’re anxious, but it’s just an illusion. Focusing on worst-case scenarios will not keep bad things from happening. It’ll only keep you from making the most of all the good stuff that you have in the present.