Grief of losing a parent
THE thought of our parents leaving us always seems faraway. We know that death is inevitable but when it comes to our parents, the idea is that they are our superheroes who will perhaps keep the inevitable away.
It has been exactly three weeks since I received the call that changed my life forever. I woke up the following day, sobbing uncontrollably. The condolence messages that came flooding in were a painful reminder that this was a nightmare that I could never wake up from. The week that followed was a flurry of activities that I can barely piece together in my mind right now. Once everything had been done and dusted, I began to settle into my life, or so I thought.
I went to work as usual, but it took me another week to pull myself together before I could bring myself to meet up with close friends again. Losing a parent is not the same as losing a relative. Words will never be able to explain the grief that one goes through when their parents pass on. The emotions come in waves. At times, I feel all right but, at other times, I can barely get myself out of bed or fall asleep.
My father was the rock of my family. He was fond of me when I was a child. As a teenager, I was rebellious and difficult. As I grew into a young adult, I began to see the sacrifices that my dad made for the family – this brought us closer together.
My father was a man of few words. He had spent the earlier part of his life in India, pursuing his education as a doctor. He was a strong believer in living your life without the constant fear of death. He believed that death would come to each and every one of us, and if you had done your duty to your family and kids, death should not be feared or resented. Even though the idea had been instilled in me since young, the news of his passing hit me so hard that I constantly found myself in tears.
How is it possible that my beloved papa is no longer with me? I had plans for my dad to stay with me when I finally settled down with my own house. He is never going to be at my wedding. What about the witty WhatsApp replies from him?
I dreaded the question: “What happened?” People who asked that probably did it out of kindness. But to me, it was horrible having to answer the question again and again. Each time I gave the answer, I had to recall the entire nightmare. On hindsight, I think I was trying to avoid the grief but the pain of losing your parent will always be there. The memory of my dad would trigger a wave of emotions in me. I can’t stop tearing up, and the pain feels as fresh as it was on day one.
During this time, I’ve turned to God for solace. I was never christened nor did I grow up as a Christian. Strangely, the prayers have comforted me in the middle of the night. As Jesus said in the Bible, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”