riding the Valentine wave
WHILE marriage is founded on love, frills may not be included in the package. And if you are 60 and above, it is a little harder to get romance right on Valentine’s Day, especially when your spouse is not a big fan of Feb 14.
The Bear (read: hubby) says, “Old husband, old wife. Why the fuss?” And with that, he retreats to the couch to hibernate the rest of the afternoon.
As “midlifers” living on a pension, spending money on a bouquet of roses seems extravagant and ready-made cards can cost as much as a simple meal. Of course, if you are rich, then you may go for the big gesture to declare undying love.
But shouldn’t romance be incorporated into married life every day and not merely appreciated on one day in mid-February? Shouldn’t love (even an old love) be an amalgam of meaningful moments that consist of doing beautiful things for each other?
The Bear knows a thing or two about this (ie, when he is not hibernating or glued to the TV). It is the thoughtful gesture, not the expensive one, that counts. When it is time to do the laundry, for instance, he voluntarily carries the loaded laundry baskets out to me so I can sort out the clothes for washing. And he helps me hang the wet clothes. Whoever would’ve thought doing laundry together could be a bonding time for a long-married couple?
In lieu of roses, he prepares breakfast, and has done so almost every morning of our married life. He makes me giggle at jokes he concocts offhand. His effervescent sense of humour turns ordinary situations into fun events.
There was no candle-lit dinner at a fancy restaurant on Valentine’s Day. Neither was there any sugary indulgence in the form of a beribboned box of premium chocolate. Cards with mushy words have always been as rare as supermoon sightings.
As for roses, I can safely say that I am forever on the waiting list. But there was, and always will be, home-cooked meals and sparkling conversation.
The Bear is well-known among friends and family members for his thriftiness and fossilised frugality. When his slippers flap, he glues bottom and sole back together with super glue. He saves string, pieces of wire, boxes, empty bottles and stray screws because “there may be some use for it” someday.
He frowns upon gifts that are expensive or purely decorative. He cannot appreciate poems or sweet endearments in a card. The gift must be practical or edible (plus convenient).
So in the spirit of the Valentine season, I shall mend his shorts and change the elastic band which has become loose. I shall also sew back the button which has come off his well-worn pyjama shirt. I believe such gestures will get the Bear’s nod of approval.
People show love and appreciation in different ways. Does doing housework together count as a romantic gesture? The Bear thinks it does. In the early years of marriage, I tried to shoehorn him into observing Valentine’s Day. He went out to buy roses for me but returned with a bunch of yellow chrysanthemums because the price of roses had escalated to a stressful level.
Thanks to the great healing power of time, that incident was put away and he redeemed himself the following year by getting me a solitary red rose. My eldest daughter, who was eight years old then, took a photo of the romantic presentation. That was 25 years ago. It doesn’t sound like much but such inanities are what enduring marriages are built on.
And yes, sharing housework is sexy. Have something you feel strongly about? Get on your soapbox and preach to us at star2@ thestar.com.my so that we can share it with the world.