betrayal heartbreak and moving on

FALLING out of love ... yes, it happened to me. The moment I knew he had betrayed my trust, my world collapsed.

I am a very private person and this relationship I am in has been a well-kept secret for many years, but sharing a small part of my story gives me a bit of comfort.

I am blessed with wonderful family, friends and associates but the one I chose to be my other half did nothing for me but left me in a state of despair in the end.

Another reason I’m sharing my story is to give a piece of advice to women: to always love yourself and remember to establish your self-worth. No man can give you the happiness that you want.

What I regret is letting myself be manipulated and taken advantage of, by him, in the name of love. I was vulnerable though I am independent and career-minded.

The pinnacle of my heartache was the day I had to forego child-bearing possibilities for good due to all the wrong decisions I made in the past, which eventually destroyed my reproductive system.

I felt lonely in this relationship most of the time and failed to realise I was depressed for a long time; even now, I am trying to get out of the depression. From a pretty and petite young girl throughout the relationship, I ended up becoming an obese and hideous-looking lady. But lately I managed to lose ample weight and shed some “light” back on my life.

My work kept me busy most of the time but, due to lack of love from him, sometimes I hungered for love and attention in the wrong places. Some acquaintances even felt uneasy towards me due to my bonding issues in relationships.

The major twist in my relationship was when he decided to keep his marriage or second life a secret from me but I found out about it during a very awkward and sad phase of my life. That totally destroyed my trust in him. It was a malicious betrayal.

Now I can choose to walk away as I gained nothing at all from this relationship. Where do I go from here is a tough question, and only I have the answer. To the women out there, I have an interesting quote to share: “You don’t find your worth in a man. You find your worth within yourself, and then find a man who’s worthy of you. Remember that.”

But can I succeed in this new journey at this phase of my life? What can I say except I already fell apart too many times but I managed to survive therefore I need to move on without closure. God, please guide my path.