Bridging the differences
In the past, mixed marriages were rather uncommon in rural areas as there was little opportunity for members of the various communities to socialise with each other.
When it came to contact or communications in those days, generally, the Malay community would stay in the kampung, the Indians stayed in the plantations and the Chinese would either be in the new villages or the townships.
“When you married someone of a different race, there would be criticism,” said Klang native Anthony Low, 80, who is married to Padmini Rajamanickam, 72.
When the couple wed in 1970, Klang was a rural area surrounded mostly by rubber plantations, with only a narrow trunk road connecting it to Kuala Lumpur.
According to Low, both the Chinese and Indian communities in Klang then were not very accepting of mixed marriages.
“But we met, fell in love and got married in spite of all that, and we have a very strong and happy marriage,” said the businessman, who used to play the bass guitar in a band called The Yellow Jackets.
Low said he fell for Padmini as he had always thought that Indian girls “were beautiful”.
Padmini and Low have two sons aged 51 and 48, and two grandsons who are 21 and 15.
As for Padmini, she said Low knew her father and she used to watch him pass by her house on his way to band practice.
“We became friends, fell in love and got married. Thankfully, our families were very supportive of our relationship,” she added.
Padmini stays home to take care of the family while Low runs his timber export business.
She said she learnt about Chinese culture after her marriage, adding that she managed her home the “Chinese way” by observing the traditional and cultural practices.
“Only the kitchen in our home is strictly Indian. The rest of the place is Chinese,” she said, laughing.
Despite having support from her family, Padmini recounted how she was scorned by other Indians who questioned her choice.
“An elderly man even approached me and offered to help me with legal services so that I could divorce my husband,” she added.
Best of both worlds
For S. Jai Shankar and Lau Peck Leng, both 50, they said mixed marriages were already an acceptable part of Malaysian life when they decided to get married.
Jai Shankar, who is director and sustainability lead at Malaysia External Trade Development Corporation (Matrade), and Lau met in 1992 when they were students at Universiti Malaya. The couple wed 10 years later.
Lau said Jai Shankar was uncomfortable around her at first as she was loud and outspoken.
“He was the quiet one who observed more than he spoke. I guess that was what drew me to him. We eventually became best friends,” said Lau, who is a stay-athome mother to their 13-year-old son, Kishen Lau Jai Shankar.
Jai Shankar said there were no racial barriers between him and his wife as both were children of government servants and grew up in a mixed community.
“She had a lot of Indian friends at school and grew up in a Malay housing area in Kelantan, where hers was the only Chinese family there,” he said.
Jai Shankar, who is from Kuala Lumpur, also grew up in a mixed neighbourhood and went to a school with a multiracial mix of students.
“And both of us grew up in families that used English and Malay liberally in everyday conversation,” he recalled.
Lau’s family was also comfortable with their relationship as her two older sisters were married to a Filipino Catholic and a Malay Muslim respectively.
Jai Shankar did face some obstacles at home initially. His mother and grandmother did not want him to marry a non-indian as they feared losing him to a different cultural orientation and values.
Jai Shankar said he initially broke up with Lau because he did not want to hurt his mother and grandmother, who had both sacrificed a lot to raise him and his five siblings after their father died when he was just 12.
“Although we broke up, we remained best friends. nine years later, when I asked for their permission again, my mother and grandmother relented as they could see that ours was true love,’’ he added.
Lau said Jai Shankar’s mother is very warm towards her and often asks for her opinions on things.
She is also close with Jai Shankar’s three sisters and attends weddings and prayer events with them, adding: “We always have so much fun when we are together.”
After their wedding, Jai Shankar and Lau were delighted when their mothers Rukumoney Seenivasagam and Ong Guat Mui, both 84, became close friends. The couple, their son and both their mothers often travel and go for holidays together.