Helping hand in finding love
Pro tips from mumbai matchmaking maven on how to get – and stay – hitched.
A SLEEPER hit when it premiered in 2020, reality show Indian Matchmaking follows Sima Taparia, one of Mumbai’s premier matchmakers, as she plays Cupid to well-heeled South Asian clients in India and the United States.
Topping Netflix’s viewing charts in both countries, the first season also sparked a spirited debate online about arranged marriage, which is still the norm in India.
With Indian Matchmaking 2 currently streaming on Netflix, 59-year-old Taparia – who also has clients in Singapore, Britain, Australia and Dubai – sits down to chat about the series in a recent virtual interview.
The sought-after matchmaker – who briefly removed her contact number from Google and disconnected her phone after getting over a thousand calls daily from those seeking her services following the first season – shares her top tips for singles hoping to find a good match:
1. Be flexible
“A little adjustment, a little understanding, a little compromise,” says Taparia.
Her clients and their families often come with long lists of musthaves and deal-breakers for a potential spouse.
In this season, they range from minimum height and financial requirements to things like having a man bun, loving dogs and being vegetarian-friendly.
But Taparia tells them they have to be flexible and willing to discard many items on that list.
“We are flexible in other areas of life, so why not in our family and married life?
“If you can adjust a little, then life goes smoothly,” says Taparia, who went through an arranged marriage herself and has been married for 39 years.
2. Do your homework
Whether arranged marriages work better than modern courtship depends on the person, Taparia says.
“That is my way, and it’s for people who want an arranged marriage and come to me.
“Another way is using dating apps. But with the apps, you don’t get many details,” she says.
“I go see the people, I scan them,
I filter them, I see their lifestyles and I do lots of homework before giving their biodata to my clients.
“That doesn’t happen with dating apps,” says Taparia, who claims that of the clients she has paired up, “99.9% are good matches”.
3. Consider only a few candidates at a time
Whether you go on dating apps or use a matchmaker, Taparia advises limiting the number of people you look at at any one time.
“My way of working is to show only one (potential match to a client) at a time. Because when we show more, they get confused and they cannot decide.
“So my way is, you see one and if you don’t like that person, then I show you another one. If I show three or four together, they will not decide anything,” she says.
4. ‘First marriage, then love’
This is what Taparia tells her clients.
“In arranged marriages, there’s no love at first,” she says, and suggests this may not be a bug but a feature.
In modern “love marriages”, which are not pre-arranged, sometimes “it is a superficial thing – there is only love (at first), then when they live together, there is no adjustment, there is no compromise and they don’t understand each other”.
Having other parties around helps too.
“In arranged marriages, the family support is there and that is very important.
“If something happens, both families can act like pillars, but in love marriages, that does not always happen,” Taparia says.
5. Above all, be patient
This is the secret to having a successful, lasting marriage, Taparia believes.
“Patience is the most important point. Both husband and wife should have patience or the marriage will not last.
“And give-and-take is important. It’s not, ‘Oh, she’s not my type’ or ‘Our hobbies are different’.
“Both have to adjust, and any hurdles can be overcome if there is good understanding between the husband and wife.” – The Straits Times/Asia News Network