Life, love and relationships
THIS YEAR marks significant milestones in my life, causing me to reflect on the strength and values I hold. Each decade of my life has different meanings attached to the word love.
Love is such an enigma – we do so many things in the name of love. It makes me ponder on what love actually means to me.
I will turn 55 this year, the previous retirement age, but I feel far from retiring. I don’t believe in “actually” retiring. Am I to just sit and wait for life to continue and enjoy the perks of the monies accumulated over the years or do I have to keep on working just to sustain life until I depart? This is one of life’s many complexities wherein we wonder what our actual purpose is, and how do we make life more manageable.
I intend to continue to live my best life and be a better person, to let go of my misgivings, animosity, and have a better understanding and perspective of life. I have grown as a person and learnt to value my time, love and priorities over the decades. There have been casualties in relationships but this is the gift that comes with age, that allows me to value the good and discard the bad.
However, I say with a heavy heart, my dad would not be here on Earth to celebrate his 80th birthday this month. All that I am and evolved as a person is because of the legacy my dad left behind. He left without any warning in 2021 but continues to be an integral part of my life. Thank you, dad, for being a giant of a man with unconditional love for all those you loved.
His passing reminded me of the possibility of loneliness if one spouse (in this case, my mum) passes on and the other spouse not having family members nearby to fill that gap. I live across the state and the pandemic made it difficult for us to travel; that resulted in my dad feeling lonely, and indirectly he neglected his health which even we failed to pick up.
In hindsight, I realise that loneliness is something we forget to think about during our good years when we should be building community and service for our golden years. We are so busy during our active years – working, raising a family and being active in social activities. This slows down as we age and we forget to replace those active moments with other activities that do not involve our family who are just as busy.
Unconditional love is a gift that only the strong and pure can practise. It takes a great person to practise this and more so between parent and child, or with our spouse. We say we love our children/ parents/ spouse, but is it unconditional love? Love that is showered without any expectation, love that is pure, love that does not have anger. It takes effort to practise unconditional love and I hope that I can do that for my daughter and husband and, in return, I pray that they will do the same especially when I get older and may not be the best version of myself physically or mentally.
Also in March is my husband’s birthday. And this year, as an added bonus, we celebrate 25 years of marriage. I’m blessed to have this beautiful relationship where we love and respect each other. We are one yet we have our own individual lives. We respect our space yet we unite in so many aspects.
To me, marriage is not about becoming one but more of becoming a team to live our lives together based on mutual love, respect and trust. We share our good and bad times, we laugh freely, we cry silently, we talk about growing old together and, above all, we support each other in this journey of life. We have made mistakes, we have our silent fights, we have made sacrifices, we have our differences of opinion but we are there for each other.
Happy 25th anniversary to my dear sweetheart Saren and thank you for holding my hand when I need it the most. Love you with all my heart.
To my dad in heaven, happy 80th daddy, you will always be my main man.
Finally, a reminder to my 55-year-old self: Be authentic, love unconditionally, smile abundantly and take care of this ageing physical body.
Life, love and relationships are never easy but they have their own magic; don’t give up on them without looking at them with the right perspective. Learn to forgive, discard ego, stop being judgmental – simple rules of life to make this year better for my 55-year-old self.
C’est la vie!