Was this the face that launched a thousand ships?

THE shame and scandal of it all! Almost a dozen contestants in a beauty pageant were thrown out after judges discovered that a dozen of them had their bodies redefined through Botox. And to think this happened in Saudi Arabia. According to the Middle East press, at least 12 camels have been disqualified from Saudi Arabia’s annual King Abdulaziz Camel Festival after judges discovered the camels had allegedly been given Botox injections. “Fie, fyi, fo and fum,” fumed the camels’ owner, one Radzuan. The good man was an ardent reader of literature and he longed to have the poetic powers of, say, a Khalil Gibran. Unfortunately, there was a less than talented fly in that particular ointment.

Alas, poor Radzuan has the poetic prowess of a gnat with turgid prose and an even more limpid rhyme meter. His efforts, distributed through social media, had moved his countrymen into mass shuddering convulsions and had even provoked animal lovers to become camel abusers.

He finally gave up his efforts at poetry after his camels sent him a petition begging him to stop in order to save other camels from being abused.

But Radzuan was made of sterner stuff with a sense of humour to boot: he had only one camel without a hump and so he named it Humphrey.

But I was talking of his sterner qualities. And so it was that Radzuan resolved to become the most famous man in the land by winning the King’s Camel Festival. It draws about 30,000 camels annually and an even greater number of ogler-admirers.

The crafty ex-poet was also a practical man who knew that God helped those who helped themselves. So he helped himself to some Botox and the trained services of a good Saudi plastic surgeon.

All this in a country where women aren’t allowed to drive nor contemplate taking part in beauty contests. On reflection, perish the latter thought: how would the judges decide?

A beauty contest for camels would seem like an oxymoron to most people. Let’s face it, they don’t look remotely like Angelina Jolie.

I am sure they have some sterling qualities but beauty does not come to mind. Not in a zillion years which might be the length of time required for them to evolve into Miss Jolie.

OK, they can go on working for 10 days without a single drop of water and this is more that can be said for some nationalities who can drink for 10 days without a single drop of work.

Back to the contest. The dissolute deviant’s dastardly deed was duly discovered by Doctor Dawood who noticed that Sheila, Radzuan’s prized camel, had more bowel movements than facial ones.

He also pointed out that Shah Jahan, a particularly morose looking animal, had more tucks than a Shangri-La bedsheet.

The failed poet has since been banned from entering future contests and has since announced that he will devote his future energies to writing the great Middle Eastern novel A Bullet Dodger’s Guide to Baghdad.

But the camel beauty contest has piqued the interest of anthropologists who now wonder if they have uncovered the answer to a question that’s nagged them for years.

Was this the reason why they invite camels into their tents?