RESIGNED TO THEIR FATE

If being the victim of a sexual predator is difficult for young girls and women, what more young men and adult males.

If being the victim of a sexual predator is difficult for young girls and women, what more young men and adult males.

WHAT do you do when you know of a sexual offender, but are helpless to do anything about it, because the victims refuse to come forth, and the legalities are so complex?

And what do you do when the environment – the witnesses and their families and friends – are resigned to the fact that they can’t do anything, or wish to have nothing to do with the perpetrator?

A late night SMS sent to me and to people close to me about a certain individual opened a can of worms. And what a can of worms it turned out to be.

As always is the case, the predator is someone society looks up to and more often than not refuses to believe he could be guilty of sexual offences.

Then a few days later, I was informed of another sexual offender, who in a very inspired moment, converted to Islam. I cannot disclose the details as it is an on-going case, but I wonder what made him become a Muslim? Did he think that by converting all his sins would be absolved?

Look at how some husbands in troubled marriages convert to Islam, and then take off with their children, leaving their former non-muslim wives bewildered, angry and bitter.

This becomes news and the courts are kept busy, and the whole country is divided over what’s right and what’s wrong. What a public relations disaster.

There are of course the legal recourse and outlets. There is the police, and there are the NGOS and welfare departments. And there’s of course, the victims’ statements and witnesses.

A social worker friend explained: “Sexual crimes need a higher standard of proof in criminal law (beyond reasonable doubt) than civil law (balance of probabilities).

“The reason sexual predators get away is because they choose their victims, and the crimes are committed in secret. This is the nature of most sex crimes.

“Most survivors know their predators. Otherwise when will the predator know who is a ‘good’ victim and when and where they are at their most vulnerable.

“Back to criminal law. You have to provide evidence and that is very difficult because in cases where rape didn’t occur there is no semen to collect. And very rarely are there witnesses since sex crimes are planned to happen in secret.

“Of course there are syariah issues, especially in states which require four male witnesses. In which case, you got to ask why the men were standing aside doing nothing but watching!”

But even as important would be society’s serious efforts to vilify perpetrators, instead of looking the other way, as sex crimes are deemed “shameful”.

Turning the other cheek will not stop sex crimes. And sex crimes happen to both men and women, boys and girls.

I know of young men who have been molested by their male peers or mentors, but are so ashamed by the incident, they keep silent and carry the guilt to their grave.

One told me his family would not understand it as he should, as a man, have fought against the offender.

Surprise and shock can turn even the hardiest man to utter mush.

And if he went public with it, his family would not be able to face the shame. If it’s difficult for young girls and women, what more young men and adult males.

And I think it’s high time, we stopped telling victims and ourselves that by turning to God for solace, we would find peace.

Yes, faith is very important, but keeping silent only perpetuates more similar crimes, simply because the offender can get away with it.