Great help, even after death
My family and I were invited to a memorial service by AsPaC (Assisi Palliative Care) in Petaling Jaya recently for those whom they had cared for in the last 12 months and who had passed on. It was to celebrate the lives lived by our loved ones. AsPaC had cared for my mother for about four months before she passed away on Dec 21.
The service was one of multi-faith, where prayers were said by representatives of the Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist and Christian faiths. What struck me was that there was a common sharing of grief and memories of our loved ones which knew no barriers. We had all suffered the same pain, helplessness and frustration of caring for a loved one. But on this day, all of us came together and lit candles for our loved ones who had passed on, put stalks of flowers against the framed photographs we were told to bring, and laid flowers in a big dish of water in the middle of a long table. Then video clips of the deceased were shown on the screen. It was a ceremony to say goodbye and to help us to let go, to help us move on with our lives.
Next, children and spouses came up to share memories of what their loved ones went through, and what they themselves as caregivers went through. A Muslim doctor who lost both his parents to cancer thanked AsPaC for the palliative care that was provided. A Hindu spoke of the care given to his brother in the final stages of colon cancer. Another man gave his testimony in Malay, recalling the beautiful, loving memories of his late wife in an emotionally choked voice, and spoke of the gratitude he had for AsPaC who cared for his wife so faithfully. Yet another got up spontaneously to thank AsPac staff for the gentle loving care they unfailingly devoted to her mother.
The memorial service ended with family members writing farewell messages to the ones they lost on cards, tying them onto helium-filled balloons and releasing them together in front of the AsPaC building. A lovely lunch then awaited the guests.
Thank you so very much AsPaC for being there when we needed you, for being so understanding in our suffering, and for showing so much love and mercy to our loved ones in their last days, for giving them dignity in dying with such good quality care. As stated in the invitation card: Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, Love leaves a memory no one can steal. Thank you for taking the trouble to organise this moving service for all of us.
LENA KHAW Petaling Jaya