Family can be bigger stressors

I REFER to the letter “Price to pay for stress at work” ( The Star, Feb 23) and agree with the writer that stress in the workplace can be considerable and therefore highly damaging to an employee’s morale and performance.

However, the stress a person may feel at home with the family is usually more dramatic and therefore more scarring, sometimes for the whole life.

One can change his job if he wants to, but he cannot change his family; and changing one’s place of residence is also quite difficult.

Family is our first line of support, defence, and protection. Yet, our family members can sometimes be the least supportive of our endeavours and often the most unaccepting of who we really are. Being hurt by a family member is more painful and more damaging than being hurt by a friend or coworker.

It will be difficult for an employee who has problems at home to perform well at work, just as a student will not be good in school if he does not have a good relationship with his parents and siblings at home.

If an employee left the house in the morning angry with his wife, he is unlikely to reach the workplace and suddenly cheer up. He may want to stay late just so that he does not have to go back home, and this is not the proper way to work.

We should ask ourselves why the people that should be the most loving and helpful in our life are often aloof, uncaring, have no time to listen and are quick to scold, chastise and punish.

Humans need to communicate. Just talking about a problem, and having someone whom you love and trust listen to you, will be part of the solution and take away much of your stress. However, parents have no time to listen to their children, spouses do not have constructive conversations with each other, with one often blaming the other for the problems, and even neighbours and friends live a solitary life and are averse to healthy communication.

The isolation that the modern individual feels, and the inability to express his feelings and seek redress for his concerns, have a suffocating effect on the body. The blood vessels become restricted, there is less blood supply to the heart, and one may well be faced with a heart attack. In life, there are no substitutes. Each person is unique and cannot be substituted for something else. So a mother cannot be substituted with a maid, a caregiver, a nanny, an aunt or a teacher and a father cannot be substituted by a grandfather, an uncle or other family members.

When the people assigned to an individual’s life do not fulfil their respective roles, or when they are altogether absent, the person is bound to feel estranged and almost unfit for life. I have observed that people who do not have a regular and welladjusted family life are the most stressed and the least ready to adapt to changes.

There is supposed to be a kind of loving relationship among family members that the person does not find in the outside world, either among friends or in the workplace.

The late Diana, Princess of Wales, was famous for hugging people. Some may not have viewed this as a very “royal” gesture but the way people readily and warmly responded to her shows that the ordinary person knows love, needs it and will respond to it in a rewarding manner. MARISA DEMORI Putrajaya