Body shamed at restaurant

I’M a 33-year-old woman. On Jan 18, my husband and I wanted to have lunch at a restaurant.

As we were being ushered to our table, I saw a male waiter pointing at me and making fun with his darker skinned colleague (who looked like a foreign worker) with a smirk and adding in a rather loud voice “Eh, jangan tengok itu dai pau, ah!” For the benefit of those who don’t know what dai pau/tai pao/da bao means, it’s “big bun”, a term referring to steamed buns which are big in size, commonly sold in Chinese restaurants.

In other words, the waiter was calling me fat.

The other waiters nearby chuckled and carried on with their duties. I just stared at him, horrified.

My husband and I confronted the waiter and the restaurant’s owner/manager instructed him to apologise to me, to which the waiter replied, “I have already apologised!” Utterly mortified by the stares I was now getting from other customers at the restaurant, I politely informed the manager/ owner that we will not be dining there again, and left the premises.

I don’t understand. I didn’t go there to show off my body. I just wanted to have a meal and a peaceful Saturday with my husband. What made this man think it was okay to comment about my body? Would he have done the same if I were a man? As we drove home, upset over the snafu, I realised that the answer to that question is “no”.

I spiralled very quickly into a pit of shame and self-loathing. I wanted to hide myself from the world – but then I thought, why should I? I didn’t deserve to be treated that way.

Women are exposed to all kinds of media and people who comment on our bodies. We are constantly told that we are supposed to be naturally thin, among other things, and are shamed for not fitting into the box society wants to place us.

And men think it is okay to comment on our bodies as if we are just a summation of our body parts. This is the general Malaysian mindset. We consciously and unconsciously shame our daughters, sisters, friends and all the girls and women in our lives into thinking that they will never be worthy if they don’t fit the mould.

When you body shame someone, you objectify and sexualise them instead of recognising that they are individuals with unique personalities and capabilities that make them who they are. Women are not body parts. We deserve to be recognised for who we are, not what we do or do not look like.

I hope that some time in the future, women will not be treated so disrespectfully. And I hope that if they are, they will have the courage to stand up for themselves because each time a woman stands up for herself, she stands up for all women.