Fathers can become better dads with an action plan

WE often say that nothing is more important to us than our children. But many times our personal and societal priorities do not always seem to be in accord with our professed belief.

If we envision a future in which all our children have the opportunity to live rewarding lives, then we must consider the role of fathers more carefully.

Doing so will strengthen the family, help mothers, promote equality and create a brighter future for our children.

A father has enormous power. For good or for bad, by his presence or absence, action or inaction, whether abusive or nurturing, the fact remains that a father influences and impacts his children deeply.

In his book Fatherneed, Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child, Yale University child psychologist Dr Kyle Pruett says that children whose fathers are deeply involved in their lives do better in school.

Toddlers with involved fathers are better prepared to handle the stresses and frustrations associated with schooling than children whose fathers are less involved.

And young men need dads who are present as they embark on their own life’s journey.

In other words, society benefits in tangible ways when fathers have the time to invest in the lives of their children.

Most men do want to be effective fathers but often encounter a major obstacle – lack of complete and effective models.

Our own fathers are the default models; if our past experience with our fathers is negative and if we reject them as our model but fail to find a suitable replacement, we often end up using them as our models in spite of ourselves.

Hence, we need a plan for being an effective father – a practical action plan that makes sense and that considers social research.

Better Dads Malaysia is here to help provide that practical action plan through our globally recognised ICAN Fathering Workshops, which are designed exclusively for men.

And it is never too late to start intentionally to become a better dad, as we take it one day at a time.

Whether having a stay-at-home or working father, anyone who has experienced riding on their father’s shoulders, putting their tiny hands in his large ones or dancing on his toes will always cherish the memories. Chances are, Dad also remembers those moments.

Fathers are also the most important role model to their children for being a good husband, friend, worker and community supporter. Fathers represent something different and unique to everyone.

For many men who have never experienced fatherhood, there is a strong realisation of love they never thought possible when they see their child for the first time, and assume an important role that is simultaneously ironic, awkward, heart-warming and portentous.

Fathers Day is an excellent time to celebrate the fathers we love, cherish memories of fathers who have died, express gratitude to men who have been like fathers to us when our own were unable to fulfil that role, and provide support to those who are trying to figure out how to be a father.

Fathers, whether good or not so good, make an indelible mark on our lives, but all fathers can be better dads.

Happy Fathers Day to all! JASON LEONG Co-founder and advisor Better Dads Malaysia