A peck gone vi­ral

> Med­i­cal au­thor­i­ties are warn­ing against kiss­ing poul­try in view of the high risk of in­fec­tion from close con­tact

The Sun (Malaysia) - - GOOD VIBES -

DOC­TORS in­ves­ti­gat­ing a mys­tery rise in virus vic­tims dis­cov­ered that hip­ster food­ies want­ing fresh eggs are keep­ing chick­ens at home – and cud­dling them.

Med­i­cal au­thor­i­ties in the US have is­sued an ur­gent plea for own­ers to show less af­fec­tion to chick­ens, warn­ing of the “high risk” of “close con­tact, such as hold­ing, snug­gling, or kiss­ing poul­try”.

I am not mak­ing this up. The CNN news item was for­warded to me by reader Wan Yan-ting, who said: “There has be a joke some­where about hen par­ties.”

The Twit­ter com­mu­nity re­acted an­grily to the warn­ing. “You can’t tell me who to love,” wrote Derk Peb­ble­gate.

Per­son­ally, I’ve never found chick­ens at­trac­tive, and that whole ir­ra­tional ‘screech­ing at 4.30am’ thing is a to­tal turnoff. I know hu­man ba­bies do the same thing, but at least they grow out of it by their mid-20s … I hope.

I think if you are wor­ried about dis­ease, choose fish. They can’t wan­der around town pick­ing up germs, ex­cept in Pixar movies, and even if they did, your chil­dren can’t pet their heads or kiss them, although mine have tried.

In some pet shops, trans­par­ent fish are be­ing in­jected with neon colours. Dye­ing an­i­mals is hot right now.

Last month in In­dia, news me­dia re­ported that peo­ple are us­ing lu­mi­nous paint to give their cat­tle glow­ing horns to pre­vent the an­i­mals from be­ing run over at night.

In the UK last week, a farmer said he had painted his 800 sheep glowin-the-dark or­ange for se­cu­rity.

Soon, you won’t need paint, as you can change an­i­mals’ genes.

I did a rig­or­ous re­search study (a Google search) and dis­cov­ered that sci­en­tists from dif­fer­ent coun­tries are mak­ing dif­fer­ent an­i­mals glow in the dark: in South Korea, it’s dogs; in Ja­pan, mon­keys; in Tai­wan, pigs; in France, a rab­bit; in the UK, sheep; and in the US, a cat.

It is clear that the US$1 tril­lion (RM4.1 tril­lion) plus spent glob­ally on sci­ence ev­ery year al­most all goes on an­swer­ing burn­ing ques­tions such as: “Can I make my kid’s ham­ster lu­mi­nous?”

I sup­pose that’s bet­ter than spend­ing it on unim­por­tant is­sues such as world hunger, the climate apoc­a­lypse, the com­ing zom­bie war, etc.

The ar­ti­cles say they could in­ject hu­mans with the same flu­o­res­cent pro­tein but you’d never be able to go to the cinema again.

Ap­par­ently this is not an is­sue for dogs, mon­keys, fish, etc, pre­sum­ably be­cause they are too cul­tured to waste their evenings watch­ing block­buster movies, pre­fer­ring clas­si­cal mu­sic con­certs or fine din­ing.

Now please ex­cuse me while I write a love let­ter to my neigh­bour’s chicken.

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