At peace under one roof

> Here’s a guide to surviving living with your in-laws without turning into out-laws

mother-in-law insists on hanging the laundry on the clothesline directly instead of on hangers.

Where non-negotiables are concerned such as the children’s upbringing, have a respectful discussion with them on how you want to handle such matters.

For instance, when you are disciplining the kids for misbehaviours, request that they do not rush in to ‘rescue’ their grandchildren.

Silence is golden When there are disagreements, do not charge like a raging bull in a china shop. Don’t shout or say things that you will regret later.

Silence is always golden when the situation is volatile. The more you say, the more heated it becomes.

So walk away. Resume the discussion when everyone has calmed down.

There are times when an indirect approach might be necessary. It might be better for your spouse to talk with his or her parents instead. After all, blood is thicker than water. Compensate your in-laws accordingly For instance, if they are taking care of your children, a monthly allowance would be appropriate.

If you are living in their house, you could pay the utility bills or buy the groceries.

If they are financially well off and reject your contribution, get them something to show your appreciation.

For instance, take them out for nice meals, buy them health supplements or take them for a holiday.

Be kind to your parents-inlaw They are not your maid and chauffeur even though they help you take care of your children and send them to school.

Give them time to rest and do their own things.

Another important factor to remember and nurture is your personal relationship with your own spouse.

The lack of privacy can be a downer on your relationship. So, make plans to go out regularly.

It could be as simple as taking a walk to the park, swinging by the supermarket to buy groceries, or watching a movie together – as long as it’s time spent together away from the in-laws.

Lydia Teh is a mother of four and author of 10 books, including the latest, How I Wrote Ten Books. Send comments to lifestyle.lydia@ thesundaily.com.