Another day in paradise

> Bali offers not only a unique culture but also has enough quirkiness to prompt visitors to some day return

BALI could have been one of the most welcoming places in the world, except for the sign at the airport which said: “Welcome to Indonesia! If you have drugs, you will be executed!”

I always expected the queue of passengers to divide into two lines, one for immigration and one for execution.

I visited Bali recently to find a smart new airport and no such sign.

Now you drive out of the airport and soon pass a massive new Starbucks. This was intriguing.

There are four million people in Bali, but tradition means they have only a very, very small choice of names, including Nyoman, Ketut and Wayan.

I pictured the scene inside Starbucks … barista holds up drink: “Grande cappuccino for Ketut!” – and 850,000 people look up!

Bali also has many brilliant artists, and the best place to shop is the inland town of Ubud, where there used to be a store for ‘antiques made to order’. The store was very helpful.

“I’d like a 400-year-old Buddha statue, please.”

“Certainly sir, come back in 24 hours.”

Lots of little shops also sell tours of the island, including one which offered three choices: three-day trip, two-day trip, and ‘some day return’.

The third choice could have been a misprint.

Or it could have represented some residents’ attitude to timekeeping, where “Meet here at 3pm sharp” means “We’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when, but I know we’ll meet again some sunny day”.

Balinese people are delightful, and crime rates are low.

Matt, a tourist from the UK, reported that one building had an old man sleeping in a chair on the ground floor with a sign around his neck, saying: “Security Guard. Please wake me if you need.”

Matt wondered if the sign was aimed at criminals: “Sorry to wake you, Mr Security Guard, but I am a burglar robbing your building, and I thought you might want to give chase.”

I got into a bus for the threehour ride to the northern town of Singaraja, and it soon began to inch along Bali’s roads, narrow lanes jam-packed with all of human life, plus chickens, cows, and monkeys.

An Australian sitting in front of me asked the driver: “So when does the road open up into an intercity highway?”

Laughing, I told him that all the roads on the island are like this, and the Bali Highway Code was an unwritten list of five rules, designed to keep journeys interesting. Rule 1: Maintain a distance between your vehicle and the one in front of you at least one millimetre. Rule 2: Drivers should not check to look before joining a main road as that would be cowardly. Rule 3: To avoid wasting space, a two-lane road should contain at least three cars and four motorcycles abreast. Rule 4: For the same reason, each motorcycle should carry a family of five and two chickens. Rule 5: For the safety of all, vehicles’ dashboards must contain a statue of Ganesha, a garland of flowers, and an optional Virgin Mary. I told the Australian to relax and enjoy the people and the place. Everyone who arrives in Bali should think in terms of some day return.

Nury Vittachi is an Asiabased frequent traveller. Send ideas and comments to lifestyle. nury@thesundaily.com.