To cane or not to cane

> While most parents now believe in sparing the rod when it comes to discipline, some argue a whack or two will do the child good

measure, whereas children do not have that authority.

In other words, you can control the spanking, but your child doesn’t know how to.

If your child is precocious enough to ask: “Mummy, why is it you can beat me, but I can’t beat mei mei?”, pull out that authority card.

“Because I am your mummy. You are not mei mei’s mummy.”

This leads to the next point which is often bandied by nospanking proponents: you may lose control, and beat your children excessively.

Indeed, this is a valid point. Don’t mete out the punishment when you are in a rage. Go cool down first.

If you can’t trust yourself not to go berserk, then don’t do it.

My former neighbour once almost injured her daughter’s eye during a caning session. That scared her off using the cane for good.

Of course, caning should not be the only disciplinary tool. There are other methods, such as withholding privileges and implementing time-outs, or grounding.

But when all these fail, a few whacks to the butt or legs might be necessary to make them toe the line.

Bear in mind that different children respond differently to discipline.

Some are impervious to the soft approach and need a little pain to ‘motivate’ them to behave. Then there are those who would quickly obey if you so much as glare at them.

Spanking or caning can be an effective tool if used correctly and judiciously. Don’t use it for every little infraction, but only for the major ones.

Set the rules and make sure the children are aware of the consequences of non-adherence to any of them.

Consistency is also important. If they can get away with wilful disobedience one day and be whacked for it another, they will try to push their luck – and your patience.

Lydia Teh is a mother of four and author of 10 books, including the latest, How I Wrote Ten Books. Send comments to lifestyle. lydia@thesundaily.com.