What? Counselling is NOT for me!

Sadly, this is a statement I hear all too often coming from people who are clearly going through rough times – sometimes, from random people in corner stores or waiting rooms; on other occasions, from family and friends, who seek me out to pour, over a cuppa or a dragged-out phone conversation, that which is troubling or holding them back.

Yet, as soon as I utter the C-word, many dish out a quick, wrapped in disbelief, comeback that goes something like this: ‘Who? Me! Go to counselling?! NO thanks! It’s not for me.’ And, they might also add, ‘What made you think I need counselling? Do I look and sound that desperate?’ And, it’s usually at this time that the emotional outpour either stops, never to be brought up again, or intensifies, meaning they now cannot talk to me about anything else but the problem at hand.

I am therefore writing this article in my role as Research Support Officer within the University of Malta’s Faculty for Social Wellbeing as well as a practising counsellor, to address some common counselling myths and facts in hopes of helping people move beyond their initial counselling block, and learn about the holistic benefits they can reap from counselling. I intend to do this by first debunking five common, yet harmful, myths before moving on to briefly describing what goes on in typical counselling sessions.

Myth#1: Counselling is for the faint of heart and ‘crazy.’

Fact: Realising you need help to manage challenges in life is neither weak nor crazy, but a sign of strength and courage. Once over the initial block, counselling can help you reflect and raise awareness about any situation in life, and help you learn new skills and ways of dealing with old or emerging challenges. When clients present with mental health issues, counselling helps them, among other things, to get a better understanding of the mental health diagnosis as well as to learn how to spot and manage symptoms effectively. Nevertheless, besides addressing challenges and mental health, counselling is also sought by people who wish to improve their already great lives in an effort to excel further.

Myth#2: Counselling is for women. Men aren’t bothered by feelings.

Fact: While it is true that more women than men seek out counselling services, none of us are immune to emotions and feelings. Differences in expression result from dissimilar cultural values and expectations, which usually oblige women to speak up and share, and men to keep everything under lock and key. Fortunately, the numbers of men seeking counselling services has increased over the years. Counselling can help men as well as other adults and children regulate emotions and share feelings for an overall sense of wellbeing and development.

Myth#3: Good counselling is expensive.

Fact: In Malta, counselling is a regulated profession. This means that all practising counsellors are warranted and have to abide by the Counselling Act of 2015; be graduates of at least a recognised master’s level counselling course; be trained in counselling theory and skills; have passed a supervised practicum and continue to work under supervision; and abide by a recognised ethical framework or code. Counsellors can be found working in a myriad of settings, including private practice. Nevertheless, the majority work in schools, NGOs or government agencies where they provide either free services or charge a nominal fee. Private practice fees can range drastically. Fees charged, however, do not necessarily reflect extended training or a superior counselling service.

Myth#4: Counsellors are advice givers and tell you what to do.

Fact: Counsellors may recommend readings, activities, complimentary therapies or consultations with different professionals should they see an arising need or the client asks for such guidance. However, counsellors do not force clients to follow recommendations. Neither do they decide the goals of therapy or advise clients on how to best solve challenges in living. The counsellor’s job is to help clients reflect on their life experiences, raise awareness, as well as identify ways to reach their goals and weight out the possible pros and cons of their choices. Counsellors believe that change coming from clients is definitely more meaningful and long-lasting.

Myth#5: My life is a mess. Counselling cannot help me.

Fact: Counsellors are trained to assist clients resolve issues or learn new ways of perceiving and coping with old challenges from a non-judgemental stance. Yet, to arrive to this point, the counsellor-client team must first work to uncover the cause of the problem, and generate realistic solutions that the client can put to practice. Typical presenting issues revolve around relationships or marital stress; boundary setting; parenting; trust and commitment; infidelity; sexual dissatisfaction and/or dysfunction; loss and grief; addiction; physical and mental health; self-esteem and identity; abuse and violence; and school and career planning. Counselling doesn’t work when clients are looking for an instant fix, are not ready to delve deeper into their issues, are fearful of change, stop prematurely, or think that the outcome of counselling is sheer bliss. Thus, counselling can help anyone willing to improve one’s life.

Before choosing a counsellor, do your homework and shop around for speicalisations and prices. Once you decide on a counsellor, fix an appointment and prepare for the session by framing your presenting problem in one or two sentences. The counsellor will then help you outline your goals for counselling, which you can also change at any time. Your first session should always start with a thorough explanation and signing of the counselling contract, which will legally and ethically bind the counsellor. Also, make sure you are informed of your right to autonomy and clear about confidentiality and its limits.

Counselling sessions last about an hour. You and your counsellor should also decide the frequency of sessions based upon your imminent need for support. Be prepared that following some sessions, you may actually feel worse. This is normal and expected since sessions are meant to help you reflect and raise awareness so that you can commit and proceed to change. Ultimately, it is you who have to walk the walk both during and in between sessions, as your counsellor is merely your conduit for change.