Speaking personally re COVID

Did I hear someone say: “About time too.”

No, I haven’t actually contracted the disease myself… yet.

But lately I have spoken to some people who have either been infected themselves or have personal experiences of knowing those who have. The one overwhelming thing that they all have in common is that there seems to be no single thing that any of them have in common.

For example: I spoke to a lady, I happen to know she is in her mid 40s, who told me that she did not experience very severe symptoms and never lost her sense of smell and/or taste. She informed me that for about three days she felt: “A bit weak hekk” and had a sore throat, but that was about it. As soon as she tested positive she isolated herself from the rest of her household and spent a day and a half in bed. She then made a gradual full recovery and, to date, has no lingering symptoms. Lucky girl, you might say – and she certainly does seem to have got off lightly.

Another lady who is currently recovering, after testing positive for the virus a few weeks back, seems not to have been so fortunate. To be fair, this person – who would be in her late 50s – does, shall we say, rather enjoy ill health. If she has a light chill it is never a light chill, it is the next best thing to double pneumonia. Her account of her bout of COVID 19 sounded like a brush with a particularly nasty form of bubonic plague. You name a symptom… she had had it, only far worse than anyone else on the planet.

I should say that, under normal, pre-pandemic circumstances, to ask this person how she is, would be to assume that you have half a day to spare to listen to the answer. Now that COVID has, presumably, struck… she is literally in her element. I didn’t even have to enquire as to her current state before she drew herself up to her full (five feet nothing) height, took an enormous deep breath and began to spout symptoms like Donald Trump spouting terminological inexactitudes.

I won’t bore you with most of them, but a few nuggets might suffice, to quote her: “The professor said he hadn’t seen nothing like the co – veed like it got me sick. You don’t believe it ta!” No I don’t, but I didn’t say so. She also didn’t actually identify the medical gent she referred to as the “professor”. But there you go.

Rather stupidly I offered: “But you survived and are looking well now.” Her head was shaking even before I finished speaking: “I’m still sick ta! Only I don’t look so.” Then as she geared up for another protracted monologue I chipped in with the, admittedly rather facetious remark: “Oh dear – and did your tongue turn bright blue?” She looked momentarily nonplussed before lying: “Yes, blue it gone and I gone red hekk in my face eh.”

This was the cue for me to be really naughty, I then said: “Good gracious, those are classic symptoms for Aids. I’ll never forget the look on her face before she blustered: “No, no… it gone the coveed mhux x’ijdulu Aids, tiffem?”

I left it there and she rushed off, presumably to Google the Aids’ symptoms. But at least I discovered a way to get rid of her.