Does your phone rule your life?

You only have to look around you as you sit in a public space to notice how many people are glued to their phones, whether walking, sitting at a café or restaurant, or standing still. Our ability and willingness to enjoy a quiet moment or be fully present with whoever we are with has been replaced by the need to be “connected” to the wider world through our smart phones. While we are now more tuned in than ever to what’s going on further afield and in the lives of our loved ones who live far away, our relationships and mental health are slowly deteriorating.

Since 2012, when smartphone usage became the norm, depression and suicide rates among teenagers rose by 33% and 31% respectively (Twenge et al 2017). Numerous other studies confirm a significant link between smartphone use and anxiety and depression (Rose et al 2013; Reinecke et al 2017), with smartphone overuse pointing to a breakdown in relationships, sleep difficulties, poor work and school performance and reduced mental health.

In case you’re wondering if you should be concerned about your own phone habits, see below for some indicators that you may have an unhealthy relationship with your phone:

• You wake up at night to check your phone

• You check your phone as soon as you wake up in the morning

• You spend excessive time on the phone

• You reach for your phone whenever bored or alone

• You’re often told you’re using

your phone too much

• Phone use is affecting school or work performance

• You experience withdrawal symptoms when away from your phone – restlessness, anger, anxiety, sadness

Over the past year or so, I’ve become increasingly aware of the number of clients who report feeling overwhelmed by what feels like information overload and the inability to detach from their phones. The constant urge to check messages and scroll endlessly through social media sites leaves people spending large amounts of time on the phone without the awareness of where the time is going and what they’re actually getting out of the experience.

So, what is the attraction to our phones and what’s keeping us hooked? Dopamine is a chemical which is released by the brain whenever we engage in activities which are pleasurable, resulting in our brains concluding that activities which trigger dopamine are worth doing again. The way in which different apps, particularly social media sites, are designed, is to draw you in and then encourage you to devote as much time as possible to them. Our attention is then sold to advertisers who make money by selling us products when we’re most likely to be swayed to buy. The very features of such apps have been borrowed straight from casinos and slot machines. For instance, the “pull to refresh” feature takes advantage of our attraction to unpredictability, where we sometimes stumble across content we enjoy and sometimes not, keeping us hooked to the possibility or hope of eventually receiving gratification. The addition of notifications and alerts causes dopamine to be released just at the thought of checking our phones, urging us to pick up our phones for more of the feel-good chemical.

Now that you understand the science behind it, you may be wondering what it’s got to do with you and how your phone may be impacting you:

Sleep difficulties – The blue light emitted by our screens suppresses the excretion of melatonin, which is a hormone which facilitates sleep. Too much time spent on our phones can result in us finding it harder to fall asleep or remain asleep for the whole night. Lack of sufficient sleep is linked to anxiety, depression, reduced work/school performance and illness.

Relationship breakdown

– Have you ever met up with a friend or partner only to feel that you’re playing second fiddle to their phone? How can you feel connected to and important to someone who’s constantly interrupting their connection with you to engage with someone or something outside of the relationship? Increased phone usage is leading to less communication and reduced connection and intimacy, as well as increased alienation and conflict.

Parenting difficulties – When parents spend significant time glued to their phones, children are left feeling unseen, unimportant and lacking attention. The long-term impact would be that such children may internalise the message, “I’m not important or enough”, leading to feelings of low self-worth. Reduced work and school performance – Phones are changing our attention spans and our ability to keep focused for long periods. In addition, the constant compulsion to check our phones is interfering with our ability to remain focused on the task at hand, which may include studying for an important exam or carrying out a work task.

Low self-worth – Social validation is an important part of our engagement with our phones as many people spend endless hours scrolling through social media sites looking for likes, swipes and so on. Over time, such validation becomes associated with self-worth as people look for the approval of others in order to feel that they’re valued and important. Very often, such likes are based on superficial and aesthetic factors, giving people the message that they are only worthy if they’re pretty enough, slim enough and “successful” enough.

Reduced ability to connect with ourselves – How can we be in touch with our inner experience, including how we feel and what’s happening in our bodies, if we reach to our phones every time we encounter silence or boredom? Staying with this silence or stillness enables us to understand how we’re feeling and get to know ourselves better, thus enabling us to feel more connected and grounded emotionally. Constantly reaching out for our phones, unfortunately, is leading to disconnection and reduced self-awareness.

Reduced creativity – People of all ages are starting to reach for their phones as soon as they feel bored or restless. What this gets in the way of, especially in children, is allowing their minds to wander or encouraging them to be creative and engage with their environment.

If any of the above resonates with you, you’re still in time to make important changes to your phone habits as well as protecting younger people from the harmful impact of phone overuse. Professional help may also be sought if you feel support and guidance is needed. Psychotherapist Danjela Falzon works with clients suffering from anxiety and depression, relationship issues, sexuality, personality disorders, self-esteem issues and those wishing to work on self-development. She forms part of the team at TherapyWorks Clinic. For more information visit https://www.therapyworks.com.mt