Paulus Shipanga, the football and family man
Being compassionate is human, so is self-compassion
Former national football team player Paulus Shitaleni Shipanga is philanthropic, forgiving, protective and loves his family. “I always want to forever help anyone in my path, even if it means I must suffer,” he tells VIBEZ!
Shipanga, born 19 May 1980, is a retired Namibian national football player, who now coaches Namibia Premier Football League outfit Blue Waters Football Club. He also coached Black Africa in the past.
Family man
Also known as Paulo, the Kuisebmond Secondary School alumnus is married to Samantha Juliene Shipanga. They have been together since 2007 and have three children - Paulito, who is 13-years old, Amira 10 and seven-year-old Azahria.
After a long day doing his rounds, all he wants to see is his wife and children.
“I love spending time with my family and friends in the comfort of my home listening to music, watching my soccer games in my dungeon, and keeping fit by playing social football.”
Every Christmas, Shipanga hands out food packages to the less fortunate communities, old age homes and hospitals.
Contentment
In most cases, people always have second or backup plans in terms of careers, but Shipanga is where he has always wanted to be.
“I am right where I need to be - a
football coach and businessman, doing charity work and helping others where I can.”
Favourite food and drink
When it comes to matters of the stomach, he loves simple food. If you want to enjoy a meal with Shipanga, it better be something he can eat all day, which is lamb shank, roasted vegetables and mash potatoes, otherwise “pap and vleis (meat)”.
His favourite beverages include coffee with milk and three sugars.
Football life
“Growing up, I used to play a lot of street football (since I was 10-years old) and it has been my passion. I got a lot of support from my family and friends to further this dream of mine, and started playing for our school team, national team and outside of our country in Malaysia and South Africa.”
Shipanga noted there are particular traits prospective football strikers should take into perspective, and speed is one of them.
“Speed is one of the best weapons of a striker to make it a key trait. It is not just the ability to run fast either but you need confidence without arrogance. Henry Ford (American industrialist, business magnate, and founder of the Ford Motor Company) put it very succinctly ‘If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right ’.”
He added that if a striker thinks they can score, then they will go for it and, often, they score.
“If they think they cannot do it, then they may pass up the chance or shoot without conviction and miss. Either way, they will be right. Discipline is very important too for a player. Confidence and respect for yourself, the game and those around you as well.”
What annoys him most is people who do not respect others, those who always look down on others because they have “made it” in life.
He added that there is a time and season for everything and everything happens for a reason.
Advise
Shipanga said goals, whether literally or figuratively, should be our driving force.
“If you want to become a successful footballer, you need to set goals for yourself. When you know how long you want to stay somewhere, you will work day and night to ensure you are on track to reach your goals.
“However, when you are setting goals, you should be attentive to set realistic ones. When you have realistic goals, then you will have a realistic approach to them.”
In concluding the commemoration of Mental Health Month, which was May, and in light of the ongoing mental health awareness conversations that are ignited by the current pandemic, I would like to shift the lens on self-compassion – the ability to understand, accept and love the self.
Often we find it easier to show compassion to others perhaps because of our innate construct to share the experiences of others, including their emotions and sensations. Yet at the same time, we remain highly critical, judgmental and less forgiving to the self. We are tough on ourselves for making mistakes, our imperfections and flaws, which others are also not immune from. As a result, we continue to feel inadequate, insecure and dissatisfied with life, which in turn affects our mental health.
Important to note is that the self does not operate in isolation from others – we are an extension of others and therefore, need to be conscious in how we relate, think and treat the self. It’s okay to set goals and not achieve them all the time, it’s okay to miss deadlines sometimes, it’s okay to be overlooked for an opportunity, it’s okay to engage in self-pity occasionally, it’s okay to be disappointed or be upset. Humane experiences encompass storms, failures and require embracing flaws authentically without the thought of having to punish the self. Self-compassion is really about forgiving the self from whatever is holding you back and moving on to be a better person.
We can practice self-compassion by firstly, allowing ourselves to make mistakes and being kind to the self in the process. Internalising the fact that everyone makes mistakes is assuring that we are no different. Secondly, caring for ourselves by being understanding and empathetic to the self is crucial. When those close to us are in emotional pain, we are likely to extend hugs or comforting words. We can do the same for ourselves. Thirdly, when we catch ourselves thinking negative thoughts for example, “I’m not good enough” because we didn’t get the promotion; rather than reprimanding the self for thinking that “unpleasant thought”, release the feeling attached to that thought, and try to think along the lines of “it’s okay that I’m disappointed”. This technique is especially, helpful for people who struggle to apply positive affirmations as it minimises self-judgment and fosters self-forgiveness. Fourthly, accepting the self through embracing our own perceived (unreal) shortcomings and character strengths will create a balance in how we perceive ourselves, thus will provide a change of perspective. Fifthly, letting go of the need to be validated by external sources is imperative. Unfortunately, we live in a social media-driven world, which makes it difficult to separate oneself from the comparisons but being cognizant of the pressures of the social media world can reduce self-hate. Lastly, reaching out to others when plagued by negative thoughts or emotional pain will not only provide a sense of universality - that you are not alone - but can create an opportunity for building support systems.
Naomi Osaka’s recent actions of withdrawing from The French Open tournament demonstrated the importance of self-compassion by embracing her mental health challenges, and indicating that it’s okay not to be okay, and because of that has received enormous support from others in the field worldwide.
In Dr Kristin Neff ’s words, “Selfcompassion is a practice of goodwill, not good feelings…With self-compassion, we mindfully accept that the moment is painful, and embrace ourselves with kindness and care in response, remembering that imperfection is part of the shared human experience.”