How is married life?

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me how married life is, I would be Oprah by now… Lol. I found it funny at first because not too long ago, I was that young woman with an inquisitive stare, hoping to get the answers I needed from every young married person I encountered. It made me realise that many single people look to married couples in their societies as a reference of what a union should or could be like.

I guess I just wanted to know what I would be getting myself into, because it’s always been something I wanted for myself, ever since I was a little girl. Love has always been fascinating to me. Maybe it was the influence of Hollywood movies growing up and how perfect they made it all seem, but I knew I wanted it for myself.

When people ask me what married life is like, I never really know how to answer the question, because I try not to set anyone up with my own perception of marriage, which has largely been informed by my own experience in marriage. I have come to understand that different relationships have different dynamics, and I don’t want them to take my answer and build expectations based on how I describe my experience to them.

I can say marriage is great and that I count myself blessed to have found my person out of the billions of people on this earth. I’m glad I get to go home to my family every day. It’s great to have someone to talk to, lean on and build with. But I can also tell them about every obstacle we’ve ever faced as a young married couple, but then that would be a 10-part book series. I also acknowledge that level of commitment is not for everyone, because it will take a unified effort to get past many of those obstacles.

A successful marriage, on its own, like any other relationship, takes work. It doesn’t just happen overnight. You have to put in the work. Several relationship experts will tell you it takes healthy open communication, mutual respect and honesty amongst other things to make it work. For me, personally, it boils down to willingness. Willingness to communicate, to be respectful and to make it work every day has gotten us through many disagreements and low points. I know love is a gamble and I am willing to take that chance, and actively work on my marriage to make it work every day I am in it. As long as you both wake up every day willing to make it work, it should all work out in the end, or at least, I hope so. Lol.

Don’t get married hoping tying the knot will make your problems better because it won’t. Nothing appears or disappears simply because you tied the knot. The reality of the situation is, whatever the circumstances/dynamics of your relationship are now, is most probably how the relationship in your marriage will pan out. Let go of the facade that the ring and paper changes everything for the better; it’s a set-up. They just make it official. You two are the only ones who can make a success of your relationship, no one and nothing else.

• Paula Christoph’s column concentrates on positive and inspirational write-ups every second Friday in the New Era newspaper.