MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE
Pandemic parenting: In a world where Covid-19 has rocked the lives of many families, Carly Gibbs finds out how we can try to create harmony at home
It all started when I was 16 years old living in Brazil in my second year of High School (that was 1994). In Brazil, at that age you had some sort of obligation to know what it is you wanted to be when you grew up. There were no second chances, you had to know how to do it and make it work. It was then that I asked myself that question: ‘what will I be when I grow up?’ My first thought was: ‘live your dreams!’ and from this my lifelong love of animals was the very spark that was to ignite that flame of a dream job working with animals. But I wasn’t sure if being a Vet was exactly what I wanted to do, and then I remembered seeing dogs that were in movies with their wonderfully groomed coats and I thought “someone does that”, I could do that too. Then my first challenge arose: find someone to teach me how to groom dogs. After a lot of searching (remembering at that time there was no Google), I found Latin Americas top poodle breeder and dog show handler, who I convinced to take me on as an apprentice and start to teach me the art of becoming a professional groomer. My dreams were starting to come true. That was twenty five years ago and I am still living that dream. I still love what I do and am as passionate now as when I was sixteen. Grooming dogs is what I know and love, and I’m so glad I choose the path that I have been on and not a day goes by with any regrets. I believe that you must do what you love first and foremost and success is a natural consequence.
This success is what brought me to New Zealand, the country that has welcomed me, my twin daughters and my beloved dogs. I left behind a life, family, and friends and three businesses that I had I built up, including a grooming school, kennels and a grooming salon, all purpose-built as part of our home and property. Relocating to a new country was a big risk, but I wanted a better life for my family and with my twenty years of experience of having made mistakes along the way, and learning from them, I knew that I had the tools to start a new life in New Zealand.
So after five years in New Zealand, ‘The Wag Club Limited’ was born in August 2017, downstairs in the double garage at home. In a matter of four months my clientele had grown so much that we had to relocate the business to a bigger premises, and so our flag ship salon at Papamoa was born.
There were definitely moments of uncertainty, but my self-confidence was growing and with all the amazing support from clients, family, and friends I was finding my feet in this totally different world of language and business.
As the Papamoa salon’s clientele steadily built, I realized that many clients came from suburbs on the other side of town, or in some cases as far away as other towns. It was from here that the idea of expanding the company started, and so the search to find passionate professional groomers began. We have an awesome team at The Wag Club, with whom our clients have built up an amazing amount of trust through their professionalism, love, and care of their beloved furry friends.
We have now grown to four salons across Tauranga. It has been quite the journey to get to where I am today and I hope my story will inspire someone starting out on theirs.
I am still living my dream everyday working with our canine friends, alongside the most amazing team and clients.
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FAIR: A Vintage, Retro & Steampunk Fayre is on at Greerton School today from 10am until 2pm. Featuring food, entertainment, rides and music. Dress up to win a prize at noon. 2
CONCERT: Anna Coddington is bringing her Beams album release tour to the Mount today at Astrolabe. Tickets on sale from loop.co.nz. 3
PODCAST: The unlikely duo of Barack Obama and Bruce Springsteen have teamed up for an eight-episode podcast Renegades: Born in the USA. It touches on their upbringings, racism and fatherhood. Streaming on Spotify. 4 5
THEATRE: Rotorua Little
MUSIC: Music at the Band Theatre’s run of Blackadder 2 is Rotunda in Rotorua is back. This under way with shows today at week it features Rotorua 7.30pm and tomorrow at 2pm. Symphonic Band from 1pm and The R16 show is at the Rotorua Little Rotorua Brass Band from 2.15pm. Theatre and tickets are $26.
BEING A TEENAGER has always thrown up challenges, but Covid-19 has upped the angst for some Gen Z kids. From anxiety to selfdestructive behaviour, or losing motivation for school, parenting guru Tracy Roose is supporting a variety of families, particularly those whose home life has changed as a result of the pandemic.
“Parents have either lost work or lost their home.
“Instability and the anxiety of the unknown, leaves the children feeling unstable and insecure, so it has ripple effects,” says Roose, who is a Toughlove representative and chairwoman of the Toughlove Waikato Trust.
Toughlove is a non-profit, self-help organisation, which empowers parents to overcome challenging behaviour with their teen or young adult at what’s already a particularly vulnerable stage of life.
Each parent acts as a counsellor to the others. Shared experiences and understanding are what keeps them coming back.
Each week, they update one another on their progress — much as a group of friends would over a coffee. There’s some laughter, a few tears — and plenty of guidance.
After level 4 lockdown, Roose says there was also a “freedom and rebellion” movement, where some teens were “out living; experimenting”.
“We just saw this huge explosion of freedom and the parents weren’t quite prepared because it was just lovely for their kids to be able to go out, [but] they weren’t prepared with the boundaries in place, and the kids got a little bit out of control.
“The problem is, it’s harder to pull them back than it is to keep them in place to start with,” she says.
“When our young people go past experimenting and it becomes part of their lifestyle choice, that’s a very difficult thing.”
If you’re struggling with your teen’s behaviour — and Roose challenges you to come up with something she hasn’t seen before — Toughlove teaches strategies to help.
“We’re about changing who we are as parents, and how we respond to a situation, rather than react because our kids aren’t broken.”
Lend a listening ear
During times of change, Patrick Walsh, principal of John Paul College and past president of the Secondary Principals’ Association of New Zealand, advises parents to “keep the lines of communication open”.
“Teenagers often just want a nonjudgmental, listening ear. They also tend to catastrophise matters so parents can give them perspective,” he says, adding it’s helpful to be positive.
“We tend as adults to present a pessimistic outlook of the future including Covid-19.
“Parents and teachersneedtobe optimistic about the world facing young people and their ability to change it for good.”
One way you can generate some positivity is by having a regular sit-down meal and make it “wha¯nau bonding time”.
But his biggest piece of advice is simple: Tell your kids that you love them.
“We don’t tell them we love them enough, and just assume they know it.
“Kids like parents to say it out loud and to affirm it with a hug and kiss no matter how old they are. They may protest, but deep down they really love it.”
A Bay of Plenty youth worker agrees you can’t underestimate small actions.
The 26-year-old, who we’ve chosen not to name, had a “mischievous” childhood and later turned to crime, but changed when a counsellor invested “loving” time and words — something he says his parents didn’t do enough of.
“[My counsellor] kept telling me about the potential she could see and how far I could make it . . . Seeing that she wanted me to succeed and do good, I always remembered it.”
● Parents and teachers need to be optimistic about the world facing young people and their ability to change it for good.
Validate feelings
Relationship expert Jacqui Moulton of Tauranga Institute of Relationships says children are more likely to open up to a parent who is nonjudgmental and validates their feelings.
“Try to notice when they are most emotionally available, and gently ask what is going on in their world. “Stay calm by recognising your own triggers, and find ways of managing these so that you can stay attuned to what’s going on for your children,” she says.
We’re often quick to judge our children’s behaviour without seeking to understand the reasons and emotions behind it.
“Avoid lecturing and offering solutions, unless they ask for them.” What’s more, in uncertain times, it’s important children experience stability at home.
“Creating family rituals like pancake breakfast at the weekend or family movie night can help children feel grounded and connected, even when the world around them can seem out of control.”
Take time to decompress
And, when it comes to your own wellbeing as a parent, remember you’re not alone, especially in a topsy turvy year, one that has made everything that’s already difficult about adolescence that much harder.
There’s no guide to parenting during a pandemic, and parenting is already “the most difficult job in the world and the one we receive the least amount of training for,” Moulton says.
“It’s okay to not know what to do.” Roose says that’s where Toughlove can help.
“You’ve got a group of people who want to make positive change in their families and that’s the best thing ever.
“Part of our support group is that we also have phone calls every week ...itmeansyougeta call from someone ‘who understands what my life is right now’.
“When you don’t tell your family and you don’t tell your friends because you’re embarrassed or ashamed, that support group is your lifeline.
“It’s all about changing you, and people underestimate the power of the word ‘I’.
“I can make a difference in my life.” Tracy Roose is looking to resurrect Toughlove branches in Tauranga and Rotorua after they closed some years ago. All she needs is 10 families to make it happen. If you are interested in being part of an ongoing Toughlove support group in your area, or attending a oneoff full day seminar, email waikatopsg@gmail.com and register your details.
[Parenting is] the most difficult job in the world and the one we receive the least amount of training for.