HELEN AND JOHN FIND THE SUPPORT THEY NEED AT BOB OWENS VILLAGE
Helen has a new appreciation for the simple things in life, such as going for a coffee with friends at the drop of a hat.
Those same friends have also noticed she is looking ‘a bit brighter’ these days and Helen believes that is because she knows her husband of 58 years, John, is receiving the best of care.
“I think it was just the stress and strain of knowing I couldn’t leave John alone for a minute,” says the Bob Owens Retirement Village resident.
“He would say he was going to call the police, or he was going to drive the car, so I would have to hide the keys, there were lots of things like that.
“And you perhaps don’t realise the effect it has on you at the time.”
John moved into dementia care at the end of 2019 after living with Helen in their village apartment for nearly five years.
An Alzheimer’s diagnosis in 2018 had confirmed what the family had suspected for a few years but John, with his trademark sense of humour, had deflected the medics’ concerns.
“It took a long time to get him tested. We asked the doctor three times but with his sense of humour, he would get round everything!” smiles Helen.
“He’s always been a great teller of jokes, and he can relate it to whatever happens to be going on, so they just weren’t seeing what we could see.”
On one occasion, Helen had gone out for the day and John had been on the phone to one of their three children who later rang her to share her fears that dad wasn’t himself.
“The kids picked up on it. He would phone them and then phone again later but he’d deny that he’d just spoken to them.
“A couple of his friends realised he was not his usual self due to the stories being told.”
Another health issue eventually set the journey to a diagnosis in motion.
“He had trouble with his heart and was calling the doctors captain! Well he did love his cruises!” says Helen.
A brain scan and MRI confirmed what the family had suspected – John, now 85, had Alzheimer’s.
It’s not the way Helen had expected their retirement years to play out.
The pair met in Wellington where John was working for BNZ. After getting married and living in Suva, Fiji for three years, they transferred to Rotorua where they stayed for 30 years.
They retired to Mount Maunganui in the early 90s but soon got bored so they decided to buy a small kiwifruit orchard in Te Puna.
After giving that up they built a new house but 14 years later decided that the lawns, gardens and house maintenance were getting too much and the idea of a retirement village grew more and more appealing.
“We thought it was great to have the care centre here if we needed it but we weren’t going to need it,” says Helen.
As the reality of John’s health needs slowly dawned, Helen recalls how the amazing community of friends in the village supported them both on that journey.
“Everyone here was marvellous.
“My granddaughter really wanted John to come to her wedding and two of my friends here came along so that they could bring him back early and I could enjoy the reception which was a wonderful thing to do.”
Life has opened back up for Helen.
“I’ve been on a few coach trips and just the simple ability to go for a coffee whenever I want is a big deal for me.”
John was a gifted musician with a passion for Dixieland jazz who would play piano accordion, clarinet, saxophone and keyboard in dance bands.
While Helen regrets that John has lost his love of music, she is thankful that one trademark trait remains intact.
“At least he has his great sense of humour so we do still have a bit of a laugh!”