Mindful grief

As a life coach and mindfulness consultant Cheryl Strawbridge has helped many people cope with the overwhelming sadness and disorientation that comes with grief. Her mindfulness teachings were really put to the test when her father passed away. She shares what helped her most:

1 I approached my grief with kindness and curiosity and dismissed the notion that grief was something I had to ‘get over’. The experience of grief is similar to that of love in that it is totally unique to every person and every situation. It is a completely natural part of being human.

2 After Dad died I noticed my breathing had become very shallow so I consciously reminded myself to breathe deeply. Shallow breathing keeps our flight or fight response triggered and makes it difficult to sleep, digest food properly, relax or react wisely. I would pause for a moment and check in with my breath then inhale deeply and feel my tummy and lungs expand. I would notice the subtle pause at the end of the inhale and the delicious release on the exhale. I repeated this when needed.

3 I spent a lot of time journaling. My mind wouldn’t stop but by writing down these endless thoughts I felt a sense of relief and I also gained valuable insights by rereading what I had written. I also wrote down all of the things I should have told my dad but never managed to. That felt really good.

4 I found mindful walking helped to ground me in the present moment, and balance my emotions. I would walk consciously, engaging all of my senses. I was fully aware of each step I took and I focused my attention on all that I could see, hear and feel as I walked. When I noticed my mind had gone back to its usual ruminating I would gently, non-judgementally return my focus to my walking. Slowly my mind and body would unwind and I would find a sense of ease.

5 Through desperation rather than wisdom I became courageous enough to let others see my vulnerability and let them know how they could help. This was one of the most challenging of all the mindful teachings to follow when I felt so raw, but it helped immensely. It worked a lot better than expecting people to intuitively know what I needed – and being disappointed when they didn’t!