Hamilton out guns Limestone Cowboys

Many people will have read Lord Byron’s work, The Destruction of Sennacherib.

It starts: ‘‘The Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold’’ and so it was that the feral Hamilton Planks cricket team charioted down to Te Kuiti, battle axes raised, to try to defeat the Limestone Cowboys and live to fight one more battle on Seddon Park arena in early April against an as yet unknown enemy.

Our intrepid Field Marshall Stevens duly won the toss and man against beast was about to start.

Harding (sheep) and Mordecai (looking like Laurel and Hardy) strolled out to the middle to make first use of their clubs.

After confusing themselves often with yesno, yes-no, they did manage an opening stand of about 70 runs when both returned undefeated from battle.

Sheep was astounded that his captain would use him as a sacrificial lamb and risk his life in such treacherous and dangerous conditions but was amazed that his 1960s Bata Bullets had stood the test of time and still in one piece.

Shoston, Stevens and McKay also took the battle to the Cowboys and returned unharmed with 30s to their names. Planks 154 for 0 in the 31st over, totally in control of this battle.

Enter the Cowboys secret weapon – Buster – and buster he was – sent to surreptitiously sneak up behind the omnipotent Planks – we could not see him in the long grass he was so short.

Six overs and 18 runs later, he had snared Delatour, Bartells and Finlayson and the old warrior Wright had been run out.

The run rate had dried up and Mordecai was seen asking the umpires to give more no balls and wides, so the run rate could stay above 5 runs/over.

The Planks’ clubmen were astounded that the Limestone Cowboys would use plague-like warfare tactics on the batsmen by releasing a multitude of midges and crickets on their adversaries – complaints of midges up their noses, in their mouths and eyes and other unmentionable areas became common.

At the end of 40 overs the Planks had managed only 198 for 4 – a far cry from recent totals scored. The long grass, moisture and Buster had definitely caused issues for the Planks.

During a wonderful lunch the Planks had time to marvel at the wonderful vista that surrounds the Cowboys’ ground – beautiful rolling countryside before setting out to wreck the Cowboys batting line-up.

Finlayson and Bartells opened the Plank’s attack on the opposition and after 8 overs had restricted the enemy to 13 for 1.

Wright entered the fray – Sheep offered a beer for every maiden he could bowl which was a real incentive. Wright’s final bowling figures were 6.1 overs 1 maiden 3 wickets 15 runs = 1 beer

Another enemy, this one from within, was the Radio Sport alternative commentator who broadcast to 1 and all for the entire Cowboys innings.

All were thankful that the broadcast was then terminated. Matters worse – Mordecai was still commentating when claiming a catch before taking it, running and calling for another catch that wasn’t his and dropping it. In the end he had a good day with 4 catches, a stumping and a run out.

Mordecai’s continual match commentary flustered the opposition who finally capitulated for 88 all out. The Planks had vanquished the Limestone Cowboys by 110 runs.

Match Statistics: Planks: 198 for 4 (Stevens 33*, Mordecai 32*, Harding 30*, Shoston 30*, McKay 30); Limestone Cowboys: 88 (Wright 3-15, Shoston 1-4, Finlayson 1-7, Stevens 1-8 Delatour 1-14, Spence 1-16.