Weekly column

Don’t miss Adam Green and Megan Banks on The Hits Hawke’s Bay from 6am to 9am, Monday to Friday

“That’s going around at the moment” is a phrase uttered in the break room of workplaces throughout the country, day in and day out.

But it seems never more so than the month of September 2018.

We all know someone who’s been struck down by this latest bout of illness, so when the children started complaining of sore throats and aching muscles I did what any sane parent would do and started investigating flights to Mexico.

Upon finding those a little out of my budget, I had the one-week deals to Rarotonga open and ready to go.

“Planning a holiday?” sang the voice of my wife from over my shoulder.

“Nope,” I replied, “it’s one of those pop-up things,” slamming the laptop shut.

“The kids aren’t feeling very well, I think they’re coming down with something,” she exclaimed.

“Oh, really, are they?” I responded in my best-surprised tone. “Have to keep an eye on them ... ”

Okay. So an escape overseas was off the cards, the all-seeing eyes of Mum wouldn’t allow a sneaky booking.

Off to the emails. “Dear bosses, what are the chances of an unscheduled work trip out of town for approximately the next week? I don’t mind where, even an uninhabited island in the Hauraki Gulf. I have

I could feel the heavy breath of my ever-sicker children on the back of my neck, as I moved through the house, hand sanitiser at the ready.

a tent. Sincerely, Adam.”

Sadly, they couldn’t find any good reason to send me on an unscheduled camping holiday and option two was over before it began.

I wonder if there’s anyone out of town I can convince to get married, I thought — an unexpected invitation arriving in my mailbox, last minute, to be best man, or MC, or cleaner, anything, really.

I could feel the heavy breath of my ever-sicker children on the back of my neck, as I moved through the house, hand sanitiser at the ready, trying to avoid the inevitable infection I knew all too well.

The sound of sneezes chased me down the hallway.

The police cells! Could I convince them to pop me away just long enough to avoid the illness striking me down?

The kids were right there now, upon me, spluttering, wheezing, as I ran to the only lockable room in the house, the toilet.

Ah, yes, my old friend the toilet, the one room in the house where I could have complete time out.

A week in here wouldn’t be so bad, I thought . . . but it was too late. The tingle in my throat exploded outwards. Aaaaachoooo! The sickness was upon me.

“Ah yes,” the wife said. “That’s going around at the moment.”

— Adam