GETS CANDID
From studying law to playing the potty-mouthed ‘bogan' Iconic Australian comedian Heath Franklin, aka Chopper, chats with reporter Jodi Bryant ahead of his new tour, Not Here to F*** Spiders, about swearing, Kiwis and meeting the infamous criminal legend
CHOPPER IS COMING to town but locals need not fear – unlike the original legendary convicted criminal, his impersonator will leave everyone’s toes intact and with a bellyful of laughs.
Comedian Heath Franklin began making a career from Chopper’s notorious potty-mouthed criminal character back in 2000 after the release of the movie, Chopper. But apart from both being Australian, that’s where the similarities end.
“As a 20-year-old, I loved the movie and thought how cool would it be if I could do a sketch as the character. But, over the years, the more I learned about Chopper, the more depressing it got. I love playing the rough bogan with the dirty mouth but, apart from that, there’s not much joy to be had there.”
Mark Brandon “Chopper” Read was a crime figure, turned author, turned legend who, between the ages of 20 and 38, spent just 13 months outside prison.
Known as a standover man, robbing drug dealers and kidnapping and torturing criminals, including cutting their toes off with bolt cutters, his convictions included armed robbery, firearm offences, assault, arson, impersonating a police officer and kidnapping.
Although not convicted, he once bragged about killing anywhere from “four to seven” people. Inside, he was a powerful force leading the “Overcoat Gang” — a group of inmates who wore coats to conceal an impressive array of home-made weapons used for the prison war against another gang.
In order to escape an ambush, Read had a fellow inmate cut his ears off, in a successful bid to get out of Pentridge Prison’s H division and be transferred to the mental health wing.
He later penned best-sellers from prison, which Franklin admits he never read.
Studying law at university, it wasn’t until the third year, he realised he’d chosen the wrong path. Then he spotted auditions for a comedy show, gave it a crack and, “that’s where I got a taste for comedy. I’d found my people”.
That was the year the Chopper movie came out starring Eric Bana and Franklin recalls watching it a lot before, “the girl I was dating, now my wife, suggested I do something with the Chopper thing.”
His expletive-laden monologue was well-received at the Melbourne Comedy Festival that year and he was given a TV show off the back of it.
“That’s when I realised, ‘Oh s***, I’m probably going to be on TV and the real Chopper probably has a TV’.”
As it turned out, he did meet the real Chopper for a photo shoot but described the experience as underwhelming.
“It was kind of awkward. I remember he was super-standoffish and monosyllable. I think he was trying to assert himself as the alpha male. It was like, ‘Dude, of course you’re the alpha. You’re Chopper and I’m a dumb guy playing dress-ups’.”
While he didn’t have good chats with his namesake, Franklin has gained some serious mileage from impersonating the former underworld figure turned media fixture and says, though grateful for launching his career, given the chance now, he likely wouldn’t be interested in another meet.
His career has taken him on many sold-out tours and given extensive screen time both in Australia and New Zealand, including a long-running regular slot on TV3’s 7 Days, New Zealand Comedy Festival Gala and a leading role in 2010 crime horror comedy film Predicament.
He last toured New Zealand in 2021 and his new show currently touring Australia will be making 14 stops around the country.
“The unfortunate thing about touring around places is you don’t get a chance to look around. There’s maybe a chance for a 45-minute walk.”
Talking of spiders
The title Not Here to F*** Spiders is Australian slang for A“not here to waste time”, though, “funnily enough, and a bit embarrassing for an Australian, I actually learnt it off [Kiwi comedian] Dai Henwood,” admits Franklin. He added that he was hoping to bump into him soon and would mention that he’d borrowed the phrase.
As far as mastering Chopper’s distinctive handlebar moustache, aviator sunglasses and tattooed look, Franklin has it down-pat.
“It’s just me and a sharpie and I just had to learn to draw them. I used to have to concentrate on it but now can do it while having a conversation.”
One of the reasons, he said, he enjoys playing “such a b******” is that in real life he is polite and boring ...
“so it’s nice to go on stage and swear and tell people to stick it.”
But Franklin doesn’t swear in front of his two kids.
“There’d be nothing worse than them being in the playground and they’re swearing and people would be pointing: ‘Look, they’re the kids of that sweary guy’.”
However, Franklin recalls an incident last year where one of his kids got pushed around so his boy swore at the kid.
“I emailed the teacher and said swear words are not condoned in our house. Then I pushed send and realised it was from the Chopper email!”
Franklin says his audience has changed over the years with many not around during the original Chopper’s heyday.
“A lot of people under the age of 25 are coming to the show and I’m finding a new audience is following me, rather than Chopper, and I’m pretty happy to have it that way to be honest. The real Chopper wouldn’t be entertaining anyway.”
Looking back, Franklin’s been making wise-cracks since he was a youngster.
“In year 10, my science teacher called me aside one day and said, ‘You keep interrupting in class. And the problem is, it’s actually quite funny. So if you could limit yourself to just one good interruption every lesson,
Kiwis have a great sense of humour and they don’t sit around and whine. I think the New Zealand sense of humour suits me.
that’d be appreciated’.”
He believes he is more popular with Kiwis than Aussies and cites 7 Days for kick-starting his career here. Also, his Kiwi audience are a lot more forgiving than his Aussie counterparts.
“Kiwis have a great sense of humour and they don’t sit around and whine. I think the New Zealand sense of humour suits me.”
And his audience can rest assured he won’t be singling anyone out. “I think some comedians like to pick on people in the audience whereas I like to have a bit of a chat and, if people aren’t into it, I don’t keep badgering.
It’s kind of an hour of the best jokes I can write. I can’t wait to get back to Whanga¯rei and have a hoon around.”