What makes us want to touch that baby bump?
Mum-of-seven felt blessed to welcome PM and ‘beautiful baby’ on to marae.
As her hand touched Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern’s pregnant belly, Chelsea Manuel immediately felt a twinge of regret.
“I thought, ‘oh my goodness, what did I do?’,” the mum-of-seven said.
A parliamentary services MP support worker who had only once, briefly, met Ardern before, Manuel touched the PM’s abdomen as she formally welcomed her on to the marae at Ratana Pa last week.
Ardern, who is five months’ pregnant with her first child, was gracious, Manuel told the Herald on Sunday.
“She gave me a big hug and had a bit of a giggle and put her arm around me, and that’s how we walked towards the marae.
“So I felt really comfortable that she also felt safe and comfortable with me doing that.”
Ardern wouldn’t comment, but it’s something she will undoubtedly have to deal with again in the coming months.
Midwives said she was far from alone in her experience. They said there was no excuse for unwanted touching — in fact, a police spokeswoman confirmed it could be investigated as assault, although she was not aware of any previous complaints — but also said the desire to touch the baby bumps of expectant mums came, in most cases, from a place of love and a desire to connect with new life.
That was why she touched Ardern’s belly, Manuel said.
Her culture and upbringing taught her to embrace and acknowledge others, including “babies in the tummies of their mothers”, although she was not thinking that when she touched Ardern.
“It just happened. I didn’t even think about it. I was just overwhelmed that we were so blessed to be in the presence of our Prime Minister, who for me is a beautiful soul, and to know that she is now the carrier of such a treasure.
”I was moved by my spirit, and also by being able to connect with her and with that beautiful baby that we were welcoming on to our marae as well.
“I hope I haven’t offended anybody.”
Nga Maia Ma¯ori Midwives Aotearoa chief executive Jean Te Huia had heard many stories from expectant mums of people touching baby bumps without permission.
Pregnancy etiquette had been lost, Te Huia said, so people now felt they could make comments and questions about expectant mums’ size, length of gestation or birth plans.
“People feel an intense interest in pregnant women and their puku. But does that really give you permission to touch somebody?”
Celebrities can well attest to the desire of others to touch the famous, including Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt star Ellie Kemper, who told American media she had been touched on the belly while pregnant.
“I don’t know what goes through a person’s mind — a stranger’s mind, no less — when they think, ‘Oh yes, your stomach is now something that belongs to me and I can touch it’.”
Te Huia said in her 24 years as a midwife, pregnancy had gone from something not especially visible, to being more visible, thanks to photos of pregnant bellies and more revealing clothes.
She understood people’s desire to connect with the excitement of a new baby, but permission was a must.
“I think generally they’re coming from a sense of love and support.”
New Zealand College of Midwives midwifery adviser Alison Eddy said she had had unwanted belly touching when pregnant, and as a midwife had heard many similar stories from women.
“It can be complete strangers in public places. It’s unacceptable. It does seem there’s a public ownership in pregnancy, but it wouldn’t be acceptable if you weren’t pregnant.”
University of Waikato clinical psychology training director Carrie Cornsweet Barber said she was not aware of any research on unwanted baby bump touching.
“I do think usually it’s well intentioned, so it is a sort of innate ‘it takes a village and okay, now I’m trying to help you’. It doesn’t necessarily come across as helpful.”
“I don’t know what goes through a person’s mind when they think, ‘Oh yes, your stomach is now something that belongs to me and I can touch it’.”
Ellie Kemper