Avoid family wedding disasters

Guest lists can be tricky: Harry’s exes invited but some of Meghan’s family cut.

Most of the world is set to send its best wishes to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle when they tie the knot on Saturday, but there may be others nursing grudges.

The list of names missing out on an invitation to the big day is long and reportedly includes current and former leaders of the free world Donald Trump and Barack Obama.

Then there are Markle’s colourful older half-siblings who will likely be watching on television like the rest of us and Harry’s aunt Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, who is not invited to the reception.

Tackling the thorny issue of deciding who comes to your wedding and what to do with unwelcome guests is not a problem unique to royals.

Auckland wedding celebrant Aaron Bloomfield jokes that every family has one side of the tree that is “just different”.

You wish you could prune them, but you’re stuck with them, he said.

So what if you have difficult guests you have to invite?

Having spent more than 10 years helping couples get hitched, Bloomfield has seen all kinds of guests.

There’s the uncle who decides to get the speeches started early “by standing on his chair and whistling for attention before launching into a roast of the bride”.

Or the jaded aunt who heckles the celebrant during the ceremony, calling out, “Marriage is a sham. Don’t do it.” He suggests putting the difficult guests together on a table at the back of the venue “or in another room”, or assigning your stern grandmother to keep an eye on them.

Psychologist and director of Mindworks, Sarah Chatwin, agrees with placing difficult guests in the care of someone you trust.

“Whatever it takes to make the day as stressless and as pleasant for as many as it can be.

“Just because you share a bloodline with someone doesn’t mean you are necessarily like them or that you like them or even know them.” When planning the guest list, put yourself at the centre of your wedding and remember it is not a popularity contest, Chatwin said.

“It is your special day, you are the one getting married. “There is always going to have to be a cut-off point.”

And, most importantly, try to have fun no matter what goes wrong. “Things are going to happen and that is what makes your wedding day a unique experience for you.” Meghan’s half brother Thomas Markle jnr, 51, has accused her of “tearing the family apart” and forgetting “her flesh and blood”. “I’m not bitter, just baffled. It’s hurtful given how close we once were,” he told the British press. Yet British media has reported two of Harry’s former flames, Cressida Bonas and Chelsy Davy, have received invitations.