Reporting it to all available authorities
Bullying Free NZ advises if you’ve already had a personal sit down with your school principal, you can make a written complaint to the school’s Board of Trustees.
School boards are held to account on their bullying record by the Ministry of Education.
“The Education Review Office plays a key role inspecting the school’s policies on the provision of a physically and emotionally safe environment for students.
“This includes a focus on bullying,” Ministry of Education deputy secretary of enablement Katrina Casey said.
If the school’s board has brought no resolution, you can take your complaint to your local Ministry of Education office or the Office of the Children’s Commissioner.
If the bullying involves criminal behaviour, it’s strongly advised parents contact the police.
Confronting your child’s bully, or their family
A 2015 Victoria University study found 38 per cent of a sample of parents approached the parents of their child’s bully, and 23 per cent approached the bully.
Bullying expert Professor Vanessa Green acknowledged that if the “police option has been exhausted” some parents do “deal directly with the bully or their family with mixed results”.
However Phil Palfrey principal of Rotorua’s Kaitao Intermediate School, vehemently objected to this option.
He said, ideally, he wants as involvement as possible.
Palfrey, who has also completed a thesis on bullying, says parents notoriously fall into the trap of believing exaggerated accounts from their children.
“Parents can ruin it.
“We would involve them suspension,” Palfrey said.
“Too many parents think you’ve got to have punitive measures, and they don’t work.” if little parental it got to
aCyberbullying
Parents should first of all keep evidence of the bullying and save abusive messages and any pictures sent to their child. However, taking away a child’s computer or mobile phone isn’t advised as it further isolates them from their peers and friends.
Teach your child the features available on social networking sites for blocking and “unfriending” people, and updating privacy settings. Netsafe is an online advice service: www.netsafe.org.nz; 0508 638723.
Coaching your child, home support
Parents simply talking to children about bullying is repeatedly cited as the most effective response.
“How the parent reacts is important. “They shouldn’t underplay the situation, however they also shouldn’t over-react as the child may feel it’s their fault,” Green said.
“One simple strategy the child and parent can practice to help the child survive the experience is simply saying no to the bully in an assertive and convincing way.”
KiVa school’s anti-bullying programme outlines a series of exercises at home to embolden children to perform the no response.
Parents can also recruit allies via the children of their own friends attending the same school.
Even if they cannot personally stop bullying, the children of parents’ friends could “at least seek adult help when they witness bullying behaviour”.
Transferring your child to a different class or removing them from school
Victoria University found 31 per cent of parents did eventually transfer their child to another class or school in the case of extreme bullying.
Green described this as a last-ditch effort but points out decades of evidence show whole school anti-bullying programmes “not only stop bullying but prevent it from happening in the first place”.