PICK OF THE WEEK Criminal

Netflix

Do you have a very specific fantasy that involves listening to David Tennant say “no comment” over and over again? Maybe an endless loop of terse “no comments” is the only thing that’ll help you fall asleep at night. Well, all your Christmases have just come at once, because Netflix’s new police procedural drama has more “no comments” per minute than probably any other TV show ever made.

Whereas most police shows usually spend five minutes max in the interrogation room — just enough time to do a bit of Proper Acting, get the confession and move the plot along — with Criminal, that’s the whole show.

Each episode (there are 12, divided across four countries) features one self-contained case, with a common thread being additional backroom drama (the detectives at these stations are NOT all best mates as Brooklyn 99 would have you believe).

In the first episode of the British trilogy, it’s Tennant under the pump as a doctor accused of murdering his 14-year-old stepdaughter. When we join him he’s already been interviewed for a Tim Shadbolt-esque 23 hours, stubbornly blocking every line of questioning with a trademark “no comment”.

You keep waiting for it to flash back, any minute now, to show what really happened. But by never leaving the station the show successfully draws you into the claustrophobic tension. You’ll never be more riveted by someone picking up and fiddling with a pen in all your life.

Obviously to succeed in pulling off a TV drama this minimal — each episode is basically a trim, taut oneact play — you need precise writing, meticulous direction and Proper Actors. Criminal ticks all those boxes. Members of the “There’s Nothing Decent on Telly These Days” crowd, this one’s for you.