Sam Neill wades through his role
Hollywood legend Richard Burton was often asked why he appeared in so many movies later in life. He said it gave him something to do in the morning.
Tutankhamun (Prime, Tuesdays) was made before breakfast. It didn’t star Richard Burton, who succumbed to a hellraising lifestyle, aged 59, but our own Sam Neill.
Sam is good enough, playing a one-dimensional, cardboard cutout, but the dialogue and direction of the mini-series is dreadful. Lord Carnarvon (Sam Neill) was inspired by the sort of English eccentrics who appeared in The Love Bug and Herbie Rides Again.
He financially backed archaeologist Howard Carter’s discovery of Tutankhamun’s tomb.
In the early 20th century, Carter is digging for artefacts in Egypt’s Valley Of the Kings when he’s shown a mug that looks like a Kmart reject. Carter claims it belongs to Tutankhamun’s son, therefore there might be treasure close by that hasn’t been discovered.
Despite dialogue like ‘‘there’s no such thing as an intact Royal tomb’’ and ‘‘we’ve come too late, they’ve all been robbed’’, Carter continues to dig. He’s also helped by Maggie Lewis, a fictional character from New York’s Metropolitan Museum, who shows him a few hidden treasures beneath the duvet.
Suddenly it’s 1914 and the British Army arrives, assigning Carter to war duties. Carnarvon delivers the line: ‘‘He’s out there, he’s waited 3000 years. He can wait a while longer.’’
He means Tutankhamun, not the TV audience. They’ll need convincing they should wait until next week. However, its saving grace is Christmas. When you’ve coming home from your firm’s breakup, loaded with Secret Santa, then be generous when Carter discovers something similar from Kmart.
Neill looks splendid as the thrill-seeking aristocrat, but Max Irons as Carter struggles to establish his character in a production where the scenes rarely gather momentum to produce any sort of climax or coherence.
Victoria (TV One, tomorrow) has finally discovered reality. The young Queen, after being told that jumping up and down 10 times prevents conception, is pregnant. Awkward Albert, her husband, who has an epiphany that railway is the future of transport, is delighted.
He resembles Dr Kildare and I’m waiting for him to sing Three Stars Will Shine Tonight. Just when the series is about to end, we have some real history instead of trivia, but, unlike Tutankhamun, it’s enjoyable trivia.
It’s a good feeling to know Victoria was the mother of the nation and Albert fertilised the London Underground.
New Zealand suffers from too much geography and not enough history, so it’s grand that TV is redressing the balance. When we build an interactive, multi-million exhibition – a little like the opening of an Olympic Games – that showcases our history, we might attract a few more million visitors.
Meanwhile, we’re viewing Rome (Soho, Sundays) where Julius Caesar has been in Gaul for the last eight years and is itching to cross the Rubicon. He’s still mates with Pompey Magnus, who rules the republic, but seeds of mistrust are being planted in his brain.
It’s a good way to revisit ancient history in AD52 where Mark Anthony and Brutus populate the landscape and Caesar is splendidly portrayed by Irish actor, Ciaran Hinds. Polly Walker is every Roman’s ideal of a good time, but sadly there’s no room for Sam Neill. He could have played King Caratacus.
Last weekend’s History Channel offered us The King Who Threw Away His Crown (Sky 73, Sunday), a further account of Edward VIII, who chose Wallace Simpson over the British monarchy.
It was a slice of luck for us because we’d never have had Queen Elizabeth, Prince Philip, Charles, Camilla, William, Harry, his girlfriend, Meghan Markle, and the Christmas tree they bought this week from South London.
While the documentary didn’t offer anything new, it was splendidly written by our own Michael Dean, who died only last year.
Terry Teo (TV2, Sundays) is a breath of fresh air. Terry is quirky and amusing, but in an appalling production. My wish is that he survives into 2017 and finds a good writer and production team in his Christmas stocking.