From dead boring to comic genius
Ikeep telling myself that not all celebrities act like they’re on The Graham Norton Show. They can be dead boring, tongue-tied without a script and have little charisma other than through the characters they create. Several on the red carpet have personalities like an infected toenail. Instead their genius comes when they’re live on stage or in movies or TV series.
So when I watched a clutch of comedians paying tribute to The Improv, I was expecting too much. The Impov (Prime, Monday), America’s first comedy club, is 50, and I anticipated the comedians to roll out their repartee and polish their patter.
But they didn’t. They reminisced about years gone by. Some were in their dotage, others in their anecdotage and the programme slipped away without one memorable line. I wouldn’t invite Jay Leno or Larry David to my celebrity dinner party.
Where there was performance we saw vintage Andy Kaufman and Richard Pryor in action. But all they did was prove that American comedy doesn’t travel well. If it was them who introduced the f… word to humour, then our toilet has done well without it.
Was I becoming the Grinch at Christmas? I tried John Bishop’s Christmas Special (TV One, Wednesday). I sat through three B-graders telling jokes and had the feeling they cobbled their oneliners together in the dressing room before coming on stage.
The best Tom Allen, a gay comedian, could do is claim large men and women at aqua aerobics resembled hungry, hungry hippos. The audience, all wearing Santa hats, loved it and wet their pants.
Another comedian, Sarah Millican, who’d recently moved to the countryside, couldn’t distinguish between an owl hooting and her husband’s asthma. I’m glad I had my inhaler with me. Her sense of humus needed more work.
It was then I’d realised I’d been watching too many news bulletins. TV channels, especially at Christmas, scour the world for bad news and find it because it’s there. I wondered how it affects the mood of an audience settling in to view television for the evening. It might be trite, but this Christmas avoid 6pm and enjoy the goodness that’s around us.
Finally, Danny Bhoy appeared and warned people not to sing Away In A Manger too high or too low because it could ruin your vocal folds for life. He made me laugh and I realised my flu jab hadn’t taken away my sense of humour.
John Bishop in his clumsy but endearing way talked about renewing his wedding vows in a chapel next to a Swedish ice hotel. They then took a dog sled ride and realised the danger of huskies relieving themselves on the job. Flying poohs can spoil a romantic moment.
I waited for quips such as ‘‘they should be de-turd’’ and ‘‘how does Santa cope behind his reindeer on Christmas Eve’’, but the image of John and Melanie Bishop ducking to avoid flying faeces was enough.
His show was pleasant and enhanced by Kylie Minogue, in her girlie adenoidal voice singing 2000 Miles from her latest album. We might have embraced the metric system, but 2000 Kilometres doesn’t sound right.
Every night we have an imported Christmas special. Next year, let’s have our own.
It’s easy to write off TV comedians, especially those who burst out of mothballs at Christmas, but the laughter is often in their personalities, timing and delivery as much as their humour. Being at a live performance, wearing your Santa hat and enjoying refreshment beforehand also helps.
So does real comedy. Thank you TV One for The Windsors and Upstart Crow on Thursdays.
Karen from Australia’s Cheapest Weddings (TV3 Wednesdays) delivered the best line of the week. As she and Dave, her betrothed, left on a cut-price river cruise, she pronounced that neither death nor zombies would tear them apart.
I’d like to appear as a vampire or demon on their wedding night. She didn’t cover all her bases. George Clarke did. In his Amazing Spaces Christmas Special (TV One Wednesdays) he highlighted some of the most unique and original cabins, sheds and studios. The most intriguing was a 130-year-old flat-pack church. It was built in parts and assembled on-site for 75 pounds, using leading-edge corrugated iron. Eat your heart out Henry Ford. I thought you introduced mass production. The Brits beat you to it.
Merry Christmas everyone.