12 pricey days of Christmas

With a price tag of $3519.99 (calculated by the accountants at Staples Rodway), these gifts don’t come cheap but they’re sure to provide plenty of entertainment (and a full tummy) over the holidays. On the first day of Christmas, December 25, my true love

– $70 package including tickets and camping

Cost Five big fat pigs

From miniature Kunekune piglets to porkers and your Wessex Saddleback, the possibilities are endless.

Get in touch with your local pig farmer to hook you up with one fit for purpose. What you do with them next is up to you – unless you have a sty all ready to go it looks like they could be headed for the spit roast.

Cost

– $200 each ($1000 for five)

Six pois-a-twirling

For most Kiwi kids making pois out of Woollies shopping bags at primary school is a rite of passage. But it’s time to step things up a notch.

Get yourself a pair of badass Stealth Ninja V4 LED Poi or, if you like to live life on the edge, there’s the option of the Fire Poi from the Home of Poi – The Prodigy’s Firestarter is the perfect background music for such activities.

Cost

– $130 per pair ($390 for six pois)

Seven eelsa-swimming

Anyone who’s dipped their toes into a creek or stream in New Zealand’s native bush will know that catching eels is not an easy feat.

Their slippery, oily skin makes it near impossible to manhandle them out of the water, and using a spear of sorts requires deft aim and lightning reaction speeds.

Not to mention the painstaking cleaning and filleting required to get them to an edible state.

Thankfully there is an easier way. Waituna sells pre-packed, gutted and de-slimed eels and even delivers live longfin and shortfin eels direct to your door.

– approximately $15 (16kg gutted and de-slimed standard pack)

Cost Eight plants of puha

Ah yes, puha, the perfect accompaniment to pork – see number five – a quintessentially Maori combo.

Funnily enough, puha, also known as Maori watercress, is not a vege you’re likely to come across at a supermarket.

Head along to your local farmer’s market, or, if you’re in Auckland you’ll find puha for sale at the Avondale Sunday Markets.

Cost

– $2 per bunch

Nine sacks of pipis

Great in a fritter or tossed on the barbie, you’ll find pipis buried in the shallow at sandy surf beaches. Using your feet, burrow down into the sand about six to 10 centimetres until you feel the shell. Nine sacks full may be breaking the legal limit of 150 per person, therefore you might need a few helping hands to make sure you don’t get on the wrong side of the Fishery Officer.

Cost Ten juicy fish heads

Created by fisheries sustainability organisation Legasea, the website freefishheads.co.nz connects Kiwi fishers who have unwanted fish heads and fish frames, with other kiwis who would love to eat them. In doing so, the site helps to reduce waste and conserve fish.

It’s simple, click on either the ‘I Want’, or ‘I Have’ buttons to receive or donate fish heads.

Cost Eleven haka lessons

We all remember the token Pakeha kid in the kapa haka group who just couldn’t do a pukana to save himself. A full-day workshop from Haka World should set you right.

You’ll be taught the words and actions and have the opportunity to dress in traditional costume, before the crowning finale performance to the rest of the class.

If you’re lucky enough to be rolling in a big fat Christmas bonus this year you may want to call in the big guns – cue TJ Perenara for a oneon-one haka tutorial.

– $35 per adult ($385 for 11 lessons)

Cost Twelve piu pius swinging

Patea Maori Club are famous for Poi

which held the number one spot on the New Zealand music charts for four weeks back in the ’80s.

The pop phenomenon is still alive and well, with the group performing live at sports games, awards shows and other events. Get 12 along for a private show and see the piu pius swing.

E– approximately $500 for a oneoff private performance of Poi E.

Cost

– free

– free