RISK AND REWARD
Have you been bold enough this year?
So that’s it. Another year nearly cooked.
What leaps into your mind when you read this quote?
‘‘Time left 12 fresh months in your care. How many of them did you share with opportunity and dare…?’’ – from Victory by Herbert Kauffman.
Are you content with your efforts and achievements over the past 12 months? Or annoyed and frustrated because nothing much has changed? It’s just same old, same old. Again.
December tosses up the best excuse for self-reflection. It’s an opportunity to look back on the highs and lows of your year, to bank all the Good Stuff and square away all the Bad. So we can muscle up to the new year with a clean and optimistic slate. But how?
In coaching and therapy sessions I’ve tried a lot of life assessment tools. Some are insightful; many are onerous, complex and take far too long to get to the point. Sometimes you just want your self-reflection straight – and over.
So here are three of the best stripped-down questions to check in on your year and maybe even tap what’s going on at the core of you.
How to assess your year, if you dare.
This is a short quiz so no need to write down your answers. You can do it solo or in a group but if you are with others be respectful of their answers. When people make themselves vulnerable we need to listen and support, not criticise.
1. What’s the coolest thing you did this year?
What’s your best memory? The moment when you felt excited? Lucky? Alive?
Ha! you say. Too easy. You’re right, it is. And I know how you’ll answer too, because most of us approach this the same way. You’ll name an Experience you had because it’s on-trend to talk up Experiences. Maybe something you saw or did on a trip or with your favourite people.
You won’t mention money (even if money was the thing that enabled you to have that experience) because that’s tacky and no-one wants to be tacky. Even if you’ve had a difficult year, you won’t find this question hard. Which is good because it reminds us that suffering is never all suffering — that cool stuff happens in between.
But challenge yourself as to why it was your coolest thing. Was it cool for cool’s own sake? Or just your best, most-liked Instagram post? Something you hoped would make you look cool to someone else?
Your answer should align with what matters to you.
2. What’s the boldest thing you did this year?
How did you push the boat out? Challenge a personal fear or the status quo? Surprise yourself with your courage? Why did you do it? What did you learn or gain?
I asked some friends this recently. We delved into relationships, health, work, bodies and trying new things. I can’t give more detail because I don’t have so many friends that I can afford to betray them but they gave thoughtful answers, disclosed surprising things. It’s healthy to voice your fears out loud – even if they are little ones. Note: you should have done something bold in at least two areas of your life and if you haven’t WHY NOT? Are you living too quietly? Too carefully? Risk is vital to growth.
3. What’s the most reckless thing you did this year?
Have you been rash, impetuous, daring? Been wild on a whim? Tried or said something you never thought you would?
I’m not talking about doing mean or dangerous things — acts that harm or cost thousands of dollars in rescue missions. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, breaking the law or smashing up against your own values, it’s okay to go a little crazy sometimes. In fact, you’re missing out if you don’t. We spend so much time grinding towards well-intentioned goals that don’t really light us up. Or beating ourselves up for all the things we haven’t done (or failed at) each year.
But the crazy, spontaneous acts are often the ones we remember, those that still make us smile when we’re rocking out on the rest home porch.
Struggling with your answer? If you can’t name a single out-of-thebox thing you’ve done this year, then I’d take a punt you are bored with life. Even stuck. Am I right?
So come on, there’s a whole fresh year just around the corner. It’s winking at you. Promise me you’ll do something reckless with it.
❚ Karen Nimmo is a clinical psychologist. This article originally appeared on Medium.