Few jewels in holiday viewing crown
The instruction came from the top.
‘‘Harry, if you want that woman included in my Christmas message, you need to do something about it.’’
‘‘’Suits’ me,’’ Harry replied, but she missed the joke. ‘‘Granny, her name is Meghan,’’ he said.
‘‘Typical American spelling,’’ the Queen commented. ‘‘Could be worse. What if you were a girl and his name was Randy?’’
‘‘We already have Randy Andy, my uncle.’’ The Queen snorted.
And so Harry and Meghan announced their engagement and Queen Elizabeth mentioned a new family member in her 60th televised message (TV One, Monday).
She also dwelt on the terrorist attacks in Manchester and London and emphasised the Christian festival of Christmas, something
TV One News was unable to bring itself to do.
‘‘Harry, we’ll put her cameo as a visiting American barmaid in Coronation Street on hold for the time being.’’
‘‘Why Granny?’’
‘‘Not until after I ask for our colonies back.’’
There was more substance in the Queen’s 10-minute speech than two hours of Victoria (TV One, Tuesday).
While the Christmas Special focused on Prince Albert’s attempts to surround Victoria with his unbearable family and cut down enough trees to keep Charles Dickens in writing paper for life, it exposed the banality of royal life.
I’m sure there’s more to Queen Victoria than this superficial series. Britain played a huge and often misguided role in colonising the empire and ruling the world in the 19th century but none of this penetrates the episode.
Instead we had Victoria’s insufferable p **** of a husband inviting his insufferable family including Uncle Venereal Disease to Christmas.
The episode limps along with a story about Sara, an African princess, taking up residence at the palace and Skerrett inheriting a South Carolina property along with 20 slaves, but it’s a series in urgent need of a story.
There are times when it snatches defeat from the jaws of victory but mostly wallows in the trivia of the age. Yet, in his life, Albert led reforms in education, science, welfare and art and often opposed Lord Palmerston’s foreign policy.
Surely he must have told Palmerston to go away and get a city in New Zealand named after him, but not this Christmas. However if Victoria was a flop,
Call The Midwife (TV One, Wednesday) wasn’t. In the aftermath of turkey, tinsel and trifle, it’s asking a lot for viewers to concentrate on a two-hour special.
Call The Midwife succeeds because the characters are warm, endearing and do things we can identify with. Nothing succeeds better than feel good.
The Christmas Special is centred on Boxing Day 1962 when a snowstorm paralyses London and even the milkman can’t get through. But the midwives can.
Nurse Valerie Dyer delivers Linda’s baby in a derelict caravan and then, believing the infant died during childbirth, takes the body away in her medical bag.
But she hears a faint cry and realises it’s not the bag that’s making noises. Mother and baby are reunited. Meanwhile Dr Turner finds a frozen body in the street and, tracing the family, discovers a wife and children who’ve been subject to beatings over many years.
With Percy Tillerson’s assets frozen, his reign of terror is over. His wife and daughter face a future without an abusive husband and father.
The community comes together to enjoy a pantomime. The beanstalk stretches upwards, probably heralding a new and welcome series.
I’ve often wondered what would happen if cinemas took a leaf out of TV’S books and, over Christmas and new year, showed repeats of mostly second rate movies from the last 10 years. They’d be committing economic suicide. Instead we see the latest blockbusters and Oscar nominated movies.
Isn’t there a message there for TV? At a time when, either on holiday or relaxing at home, we have more opportunity to watch TV and, with our discretionary dollar, purchase goods advertised during commercial breaks, we should be viewing the best programmes available.
But we’re not. We deserve better.