How to bring a hidden problem into the light
The troubling prevalence of intimate partner violence leading to suicidal thoughts came to light after Women’s Refuge boss Ang Jury received a call from a concerned Refuge member. She had fielded a rash of calls from mothers whose daughters had committed suicide and who at the time were looking for support at Women’s Refuge.
It troubled Jury that everything she had heard from those mothers indicated there was a clear reason this had happened and yet there was nothing she could do because there was no evidence or proof. No-one talked about it or believed it had happened as a result of abuse.
And it troubled her that there were no consequences for the abusive partner.
There is a dearth of statistics on how many women have ended their lives as a result of intimate partner violence, Jury says. ‘‘It’s not something that pops up in most coroners’ findings. I would imagine it’s there but unless it’s brought to the fore by somebody – and, given the nature of family violence being as hidden as it is, it’s unlikely that it would be – it gets missed.’’
She was tentative about conducting a survey because she was unsure whether there would be enough of a response to create meaningful research. But the numbers who responded and the stories they shared were shocking, even to Jury, who has been at Women’s Refuge for more than 20 years.
The survey threw up many issues around abuse, aside from suicide and self-harm. Many women feared their children being taken away, and reported negative experiences with agencies such as the Ministry for Children Oranga Tamariki.
Jury plans to send the report on the survey’s findings to the agency’s boss, Grainne Moss, and chief social worker Paul Nixon.
‘‘I hope Oranga Tamariki are paying attention. For those reaching out for help then to be faced with the potential of losing their children as a result of seeking help – that’s really a barrier that needs to go.
‘‘There’s a stark need for much closer linkages between the family and sexual violence agencies and mental health services. Traditionally we have worked on a referral basis but there’s not been enough coordination on this.’’
The agencies which are encountering these women disclosing their plight need better and more training, she says.
‘‘GPS, lawyers, police – they all get some training but it’s timecompressed. It’s a matter of people knowing how to respond. They need to know what’s going to hurt and what’s likely to help.
‘‘Women’s Refuge come from a position of by and large believing what is being told to us, and sometimes that stretches the bounds of credibility because some of the stories are truly horrific . . .
‘‘What we also know is that the vast majority of those stories are true. There needs to be a bit more credibility given to these women. There needs to be a better understanding by police, family courts, Oranga Tamariki, so that when they hear these stories they don’t think, ‘Oh, she’s mad’.’’
Because victims are traumatised and often struggling to articulate what they are experiencing and feeling, they don’t come across to those agencies as well as their calm, rational abuser does, Jury says.
‘‘Those agencies need to pay a lot more attention to these women and not judge them on what they see as potentially hysterical or unstable behaviour.
‘‘Women need to feel confident when they reach out for support . . . If they fear the consequences of trying to get help, they may weigh that up and think that a safer strategy is to cope with what is happening.’’