How golf could yet become the new UFC
Ooooooeeeee Tiger looked baaaad. It was one of those golf hangovers where you can smell the burn and taste the ashes of your ego. There was nothing behind the eyes, just re-runs of all the near misses playing in his retinas. His driver had screwed with his mind and possessed his hands on the ‘‘that’s too narrow for a fairway’’ fairways. Someone spiked his Ryder Cup.
Every two years sports fans stop hitting the golf snooze button and get all excited about Europe versus America.
Before and after that, golf is sport’s valium; a couple of holes and their eyelids drop quicker than Phil Mickelson’s bottom lip.
Even the ubiquitous shout of ‘‘Get in the hole,’’ is just white noise – and there’s a special place in a crocinfested water hazard hell for the people who continue to yell it.
But I digress. Let’s chat a bit more about why golf needs to have more matchplay events where teams come together in a glorious display of very un-golf-like behaviour. We need more fourballs and foursomes, words which immediately turn the dour sport into a big, joyous love fest.
These sorts of matchups can turn a man who’s won 14 majors into a husk of a weekend golfer. That’s sport all day every day but what’s more interesting here is what weird stuff happens when a genius individual can look like a dummy when placed in a team.
It doesn’t make sense when the game itself hasn’t changed and yet players start acting like a bunch of five year old boys and girls told to hold hands; it can be a bit icky and downright uncomfortable. Patrick Reed said egos were a problem for the American team just before he launched into Jordan Speith for not wanting to play with him. I guess they’ve all got plenty of money for the group therapy.
The simmering animosity and overt camaraderie just adds to the almost colosseum feel to the proceedings.
Golf etiquette dictates that you don’t cheer when a player stuffs up a hole but at the Ryder Cup it’s different. The crowd is a mixture of pantomime and UFC, laughing and screaming at every missed shot. No-one’s ego is spared and it’s fascinating to watch how the players react.
It’s tense watching the finish of any tight pro tournament but this seems to be amplified when Europe meets America. Although, that’s what golf is every day for most of us playing a round with our mates so it could be they’re just pampered.
Golf needs to find its personality and this event shows it how. It’s been its own worst censor, sticking to the uptight rules of the Royal and Ancient. It might even help the players pick up the pace so they move faster past the more rambunctious hecklers. But they mustn’t shout during a players swing. Oh no, steady on chaps, that just won’t do. There must be some respect.
With a few Ryder Cup type changes, golf could become the new UFC of sport. Just don’t invite me to play. It’s hard enough as it is to hit that bloody ball.
On a far more sad and serious note, it’s time to look at the safety around pro tournaments. A woman lost the use of an eye at the Cup when struck by a wayward Brooks Koepka tee shot. He was devastated and she is angry course officials did not give adequate warnings.
The European Tour said ‘‘fore’’ was shouted several times and tickets clearly stated the risks of errant shots. I’m often stunned at how close crowds are allowed to stand when players are hacking out of the rough. Grass does weird things to a club and ball even if you’re a pro. Accidents are few and far between but when an incident this serious happens, it’s a good time for a review.
I would hate to see an over-reaction which ends up with crowds being pushed back so far they can’t see. That’s the joy of being there. And yet I feel tour officials need to look at how they warn fans when balls go astray. Yelling fore doesn’t cut it when players can hit over 300 metres.