How to dial down kids’ phone use
Icame home from a business trip to find my then-9-yearold daughter fiddling with a sparkly new ipod Touch. When I asked my husband where she got it, he said: ‘‘She begged me to take her to the store and paid for it with her own money, so I figured it was fine.’’
But soon she was doing almost everything we could do on our iphones – incessantly texting, Facetiming and accessing the internet – before we could set limits. We had no idea it could do almost everything an iphone does as long as it was connected to wi-fi.
So much for carefully considering the right age and rules for getting a cellphone.
Plenty of parents wish they could put the phone back in the box. Here are some ideas for rebooting kids’ relationships with their phones.
Assess your situation
‘‘I am on the front line of the battlefield,’’ says Becky Worley, who covers technology for ABC News in the US and is writing a book about kids and screens. ‘‘Since I’ve been witnessing this, I’ve held off on giving my kids access.’’
But she doesn’t blame parents who have given their kids a phone. ‘‘We didn’t know then what we know now, so go easy on yourself.’’ It’s never too late to reset things, though, and regain control.
Ask yourself:
■ Does your child get angry, anxious – or even violent – if you take away their phone?
■ Does he or she withdraw from activities and social events to use the cellphone?
■ Do your child’s relationships, schoolwork or hygiene suffer because of cellphone use?
Based on the severity of the issue, you can try one of two approaches.
Executive function method:
For easier cases, Worley suggests showing your tween or teen a timeline of their day, which should make it evident how limited the hours between school and bedtime are.
Ask them to make a viable plan for using those hours for homework, chores, eating dinner and enjoying some downtime.
The idea is that maturing young people will self-regulate if they see just how little time is available to zone out on their phones.
Cold-turkey detox: A Stanford University study suggests stopping any addictive behaviour completely for a month, perhaps with the help of a counsellor or therapist.
The idea is to interrupt the rhythm of the habit and rest the brain. After that, work together to add the phone back while putting barriers in place that will cut down on future cellphone abuse.
Using parental controls
Take advantage of automated parental controls, either as part of the phone’s operating system or outside apps.
Set your strictest controls at the beginning, then ease up gradually. Parenting experts say kids do best when they can see themselves gaining more freedom over time. Focus on three areas to monitor their use.
Limit their time: You can designate certain times of day when your child cannot use their phone. And you can control the total amount of time they spend using certain types of apps.
Limit their access: You may also wish to block your child’s access to adult content. Or you may want to prevent them from using certain types of apps, such as social media, until they are older. Again, the Apple and Android ecosystems provide ample free tools to help you accomplish this.
Track their location: The phone’s built-in tools also allow you to track your child’s location, but they are not as robust as outside apps. The best apps tell you where your child is and also store some history of where they have been. Some even allow you to create ‘‘geofences’’.
Not a fan of your daughter’s boyfriend? Construct a geofence around his home and you’ll know when she shows up there. PC Mag likes Boomerang, Familytime and Locategy for their tracking features.
This is all good advice, but the best thing you can do to reset your child’s relationship with their phone and set them up for future success is to talk.