The agony of rejection
For all the good news stories that emerged from the All Blacks World Cup squad announced this week were several of intense disappointment. Olivia Caldwell reports on how sportspeople cope with being told they’re not wanted.
‘‘Being dropped always hurts. But when it’s a double hit – missing your sport’s pinnacle event and the end of your career – it can be particularly tough.’’ Karen Nimmo, clinical psychologist
‘‘There are high expectations and high stakes, there’s heaps of scrutiny and that adds to the pressure that can just build up.’’ All Blacks mental skills coach Gilbert Enoka
Imagine being laid off from your job because you’re too old, too slow, too immobile or out of shape.
If that’s not harsh enough, what if your boss then tells the whole world why you’re not good enough.
That’s the hell All Blacks test centurion Owen Franks has been through this week.
‘‘Ruthless Steve Hansen leaves big names at home’’ screamed the headline in Ireland’s Independent as it said Franks had paid the price for ‘‘a poor showing’’ during his Super Rugby season.
Imagine wanting to be there for your mates, but knowing you’re struggling and fearing you could let them and the black jersey down. What do you do? That’s the hell loose forward Liam Squire has been in during his winter of discontent.
Ngani Laumape and Jackson Hemopo, too, have felt the sting of public rejection this week, a mental torment that clinical psychologist Karen Nimmo puts up there with injury and retirement.
Laumape found no space in a crowded midfield, while Hemopo missed when a gamble was taken on injured stalwart Brodie Retallick.
It’s the reality of being an All Black or rather, being a dropped All Black.
A year ago we saw prop Karl Tu’inukuafe cry tears of pride and joy as he lined up for the national anthem for his test debut at Eden Park.
On Wednesday, Tu’inukuafe was not named in Steve Hansen’s 31-man squad to defend the Webb Ellis Cup in Japan next month. We did not see his reaction to that painful news.
Nimmo, who is a specialist in high performance sports, has seen sports stars burdened with mental health issues such as depression, mental fatigue (burnout) and anxieties (related to performance, failure, rejection).
She says the pain of non selection is doubled for players during a World Cup year.
‘‘Being dropped always hurts. But when it’s a double hit – missing your sport’s pinnacle event and the end of your career – it can be particularly tough.
‘‘The psychological impact ultimately depends on your personal resilience, being able to take perspective over your career as a whole and how you frame your life going forward.’’
An international sports star can never know when their time is up. Few get to time their exit perfectly, unless they are the ‘‘Perfect 10’’ Dan Carter, or decorated former All Blacks captain Richie Mccaw.
While those two were able to lift the cup in 2015 and walk away with
a grin, the powerful Franks (twice a cup winner) was told on Wednesday he may have played his last test as Hansen believed the game now requires more mobile props.
Franks, a man of few words, and one who endured painful stem-cell treatment procedure on a shoulder in a bid to prolong his career, made no secret he was hurt.
‘‘I’m disappointed. But I’m well aware as a professional athlete, and
especially an All Black, that your time in the jersey isn’t owed.’’
Earlier this year Squire chose to make himself unavailable for selection for what were personal reasons, and on Thursday night confirmed he had struggled mentally and physically for sometime.
‘‘After what’s been a really tough year for me mentally and physically, and after speaking with people I trust on whether I should make myself available again for the All Blacks, I felt I wasn’t ready just yet physically or mentally for the pressures of test match rugby,’’ Squire wrote in a Instagram post.
Squire had lifted the lid on the once taboo subject of mental health in international rugby. Any athlete who did speak out about their troubles showed courage, Nimmo said.
‘‘Generally, it’s brave and relatively rare to speak out about mental health difficulties while you are still working through them. Most athletes wait until they’re on the other side of their struggles before speaking out, either because they don’t feel up to it or it’s safer for their career.
‘‘There are still some polarising and dated attitudes to mental health and diversity issues out there so many athletes are reluctant to take the risk.
‘‘It’s great to see an athlete acknowledge the pressures of professional sport, especially on the eve of a Rugby World Cup, because we all sit up and take notice. High performance sport is a cesspit of stress, of ups and downs, and athletes need to have sound strategies in place for dealing with both.’’
While there have been discussions around opening up about mental illness, high performance athletes or their employers rarely speak out publicly.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place, sports management must first respect and protect their players, but this can also create an unhealthy cone of silence. Like anyone, athletes don’t want to feel ashamed about their personal lives.
Squire may still end up being called up if injury strikes, yet he like the others has no guarantee in wearing the black jersey again.
The brutal world of sport would have it that when you lose your form or your burning desire, you lose your place in the team.
What support is given to the rejected?
All Blacks mental skills coach Gilbert Enoka spoke to Stuff last year on the mental health of the players.
During nearly two decades with the team he has seen mental illness strike many, outside the public eye.
‘‘Our environment is no different to society in general,’’ Enoka said.
‘‘If we looked at percentages we would have the same number of people suffering the same sort of issues in general as society.
‘‘[All Blacks] are thrust into environments that are quite abnormal. There are high expectations and high stakes, there’s heaps of scrutiny and that adds to the pressure that can just build up.’’
Chief executive of the Rugby Players’ Association (RPA) Rob Nichol said there is support for past and present players.
The RPA has support professionals for advice on careers, retirement and even those struggling for form. It is up to the players to contact them if they feel they need help.